My wishlist

Its been a really long time since I updated here. So much has passed. Emotionals went up and down on a prospective change in job, I think the hoo haa has now passed with me remaining status quo. Life has got slightly more complicated with more things to worry about since I am constantly looking at the market these days. I am still at a monetary lost, sometimes I wish I didnt even go this direction but I know I have to if I want to break free from my daily routine.

I have been waking up later and later. I snooze a record 18 mins each day, waking up just a glorious 45 mins before I start work in the office. Its quite amazing, thats prob one of the only thing I love about my job. Its so near my home.

Work has been tiring. Some misfortune befel one of my colleague putting her out of action for quite a long meaning I have to do the saikang. Also, I seemed to be an automatic target for blood. Everone wants my blood for something that goes wrong even if i am not involve. Sigh. Sometimes I just feel like quitting, but I yet to make my million dollar yet.

Recently took a liking to the dopod's sliding keyboard. Love a small computer where I can just slide open anytime and type without having to switch the computer on. But, I really have hardly any use for a phone. I sms more these days becos I sms friends watching the market, else no one calls me. My phone batt still last a whole week before I have to charge it. I read some blogs where the blogger is extremely cheerful but somehow I dont think I am the bubbly kind. I dont even structure my thougts. V bad. I just flet from one to another, probably leaving a trail of grammatical errors behind.

My bday's coming. My wishlist includes
- 10 very very nice bookmarks. Stylish but funtional without it being act cute.
- ipod wall plug charger.
- nice jewellery would be nice. i wouldnt mind the diamond on my neck being bigger, altough i love the pendant I am wearing. After wearing it for almost 10 years, it kinda looks small or maybe I am just ready for a change. Doesnt really matter if I still wear it for the next 10 year though. Contridicitng myself, dont even know what I mean. No, I think i know what i mean but too lazy to structure my thoughts.
- Border vochurs please.
- a year subsription to the economist
- imac would be nice but I rather buy that with my own money, a bday gift has to be a gift that is oh so pretty and stunning, not like a computer
- lasik perhaps?

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My Updated World Map

Maldives, France, Spain, Finland, London, Cambodia - 6 New countries this year.
Possibly Indo in Dec, yet another 3rd world country.

Msia, Thailand, Phil, US - Total Count 10.

Have reached the stage of slight OD,wanting to sleep on my own bed for as long as I want. It helps when the hotel is good.

Cambodia hotel was great, porters helping with my luggage all the way, room service, nice big towels, abliet a little musky smell, it was better than expected. The country itself is still pretty much third world. Gravel everywhere, disgusting toilets, schools like look like TCS8 Zhao An Lao Shi. It was the land of Gap and Abercombie though. I wasnt sure if the sure were real, so I bought only 25USD worth, at 5USD a shirt, it was not bad. I am sure I was being ripped off but I didnt feel like bargaining much that day.

I didnt expect much, so everything fell nicely within expectation. Having been to Vietnam helps, though I think Vietnam is probably a tad more organised.

Feel a bit lost, work is going to pile up, the thought of it is just saffocating. Alboy's going to be busy. End of the year festivitals are going to start soon. Usually I feel slightly light hearted and high as the year ends, I hope this feeling ovwewhelms me soon. The thought of having only 2 months left in the year is slighly terrifiying.

One more BKK trip at the end of the year. One more flight, that is if I squirm my way out of Indo.

I can't believe I am soo sooo sooo sleepy in the morning. I slept at 11+ midnight, so that gave me a good8 hours sleep but I am still terribly sleepy. My head feels as if it is starved of oxygen and I just feel like sleeping in the sauna at lunch. Maybe I should go swim then sleep. Plus I think I have a naturally sleepy face so people always think I look damn tired.

This week has been crawling for me. The past few weeks have been a blur but this week is agonising. Maybe its the eagerly awaiting Monday holiday thing that is making time pass so slowly.

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that of Emily, Ben, Jiliang , Samuel, Hanwei and this one other girl. I was going to alter a dress cos someone insisted I alter it and I met Emily there with a girl. I had to go to work after and Emily kept insisting my mum should give us a lift cos its on the way, but it really wasnt cos she was going to NTU n me to JE. But we still all hoped in. Surprising the car could fit us all, Hanwei took the wheel with my mum at the passenger seat. It was super weird. Then I realised it was 8am and if I stayed in dreamland  I would have to call in sick. Which may not be such a bad thing afterall.

I reiterate, I am terribly sleepy.

 

 

the hunting

I think I got picked up today. Woohoo..it was quite a nice feeling.

Was spending the whole of today and yesterday at an event, spoke to a guy briefly on some work related stuff, then i forgot how he looked like cos i was talking to a whole bunch of different people the whole day.


So today, this guy whom I thought looked like huge grant was kinda looking at me the whole day. I blankly stared back having no recollection of having spoke to him. He was ang moh so I wasnt very interested too, plus I was falling half asleep standing up.

At the end of the day, he finally came up to where I was stationed and talked to me. There was almost no work stuff, then I remembered I talked to him before after he repeated some stuff. Mostly, we talked abt Singapore, and the influx of foreign talent and my take on it (That i shall elaboraet in another post). He was going to take a train through 'scenic' malaysia to reach thailand. Thru the 'jungle trail' of pahang etc etc, the guide books really write it well. I told him it would be nothing by foilage and mosquitoes and that he should be worried abt dengue..hahah

Then of course, he asked me out for dinner. Maybe it was just a friendly , i have no friends here gesture, but it felt nice. I rejected of course saying that I have to go back to the office to work. While the feeling of being hunted is nice, I dont think I have the energy to entertain him the entire evening. I wasnt even very interested either, it was just nice while it lasted.hahah

so u have it. *head swells*

Gosh, I am falling asleep in front of the computer.
Of course I blame it on everything else, the cold stuffy non-circulating office air, why work has to start at 8+ in the morning instead of noon. I told myself I would sleep at 10pm last night but landed up taking a 45 mins nap at 7+ and then sleeping past midnight. I am always more awake at night even if my brain is totally dead.

Am sneezing more than the usual, not sure if its enough to warrant an MC. By saying that means whether it is convincing enough to fake an MC, I don't actually want to fall sick. I just found out a fren works at the clinic near my house and he has said he will issue me MCs. So happy. Not that I will take advantage of it but its always good to know you have a backup plan.

So glad I am only working a 4 day week this week, and last week. It makes me happier to think that I only have to wake up at 7am+ one more day of the week.

Listened to Rod Steward "Sometimes when we touch" in the morning, and I paid close attention to the lyrics for the first time. I was /still am quite disturbed after that. Was it a love song/break up song? Or a "we realised we are not meant for each other even though we love each other"? Or a "I broke up with you then I realised I love you"? He sang with so much emotion, it was so heartwenching. The same thoughts probably occurred to the DJ cos she said "what is he singing about" right after the song ended.  The song kinda reminded me of My Best Friend's wedding. So heartwrenching. I curse at Cameron Diaz everytime I watch the show.   How awful it must be to love a guy for 9 years , not admit it and be bridesmaid at his wedding.

 

So, the parents are overseas. The house is absoutely quiet. No one except me wakes up before noon. I am the earliest at 11.50am. one wakes up at 2+, the other is still asleep at 5pm.

That single filet o fish is long digested but I don't really want to eat now as I will mess up my dinner timings.

Its amazing the amount of laundry we generate, Just one day and it was a full load of clothes in the wash. Of course now that I have washed and hung them, I refuse to keep and fold them.

I have a craving for soup spoon's soup. But I think the nearest outlet is a tad bit too far and I don't think I want to navigate the traffic on a saturday afternoon. Though I have the car, even a place like JP is madness. My gripe about that place is that they do not accept CC, making payment for cashless people like me a hassle.

The Choo Choo Train..

I seem to be running after trains a lot these days.
Everyday is a adrenaline rush to get home, finish my dinner, resist that sleepiness which i always succumb too, struggle to wake up after half an hour instead of sleeping the whole night through, switch on the computer to sieve through the different offerings, look at performance, read the papers and lie down in bed to read my book. By then it will be nearly 2am and I would only read like 5 pages max before falling asleep without wearing my mouthguard.

I wake up half demoralised because I feel I did not accomplish what I set out to do the day before. Then the cycle repeats. Either I am assigning myself too many tasks or I am not being efficient enough. Somedays i feel I am somewhat quite efficient but yet i still cannot complete what i set out to do.

Sometimes I wish i were dedicated to a single cause and can just focus entirely on it.
Good thing is, I am all set for my trip to BKK 3 mths later. My tickets are all redeemed and hotel accommodation settled. One thing less to worry about.

 

A weird dream

I am tired and am trying to squeeze in as much read time before I conk out, but I have have to blog this before my brain loses its ability to remember it.

I had a weird dream, a distrubing one.

Remember my last dream, I think I blogged about it but am too lazy to find it to link it. It was about the ring rolling around. ** put the link it as an afterthought*

This time, it was even more scary. I suspect it was a result of me visitng my colleague's 18th month old in the middle of the day and pretending I had the most enjoyable afternoon playing or trying to play with the tot. I don't even find it adorable.

Back to the dream.

I was having dinner with Alboy and his parents and halfway through the maincourse, he fished out this diamone ring case(dunno what you call it) and opened it. Of course there was a diamond inside, i even remembered it size. 0.61C. But before he opened the case, I screamed nooooooo. When the ring was revealed, I was already reduced to a state of vehemently shaking my head in distress. Then, Alboy's mum went , 'Put on the ring and let me see' and I was like 'Sorry Auntie I can't' and I think she went into a fit. I can't remember the exact details because I was feeling so sad about rejecting Alboy.

Then somehow I was a but upset on the ring size. I was thinking that Alboy spent all his money on a overpriced ring because it was from Lee Hwa (I think). Anyway, I was just so depressed. My heart totally sunk. Then Alboy was like so hurt, then it got to a stage where he was really really really so so so hurt , I think it was like a few days later, you know there is hardly any sense of time when you dream that I said yes.

Then I was like hmmm ok and somewhat facing up to it. But at that point in time, I was hit by some werid feeling again. I looked at Alboy face and somehow it just didnt feel right. It was like I would not have anything in common with him or anytihng to talk ot him about after the wedding..and it was as if my life already belonged to someone else.

Then I turned to look at Alboy and suddenly, I was looking at my ex face instead of him. Then everytihng just seemed to right out of a sudden because I know why. I looked at him firmly in the face and said I can't do this, my life belongs to someone else(Alboy) and said sorry and walked away rather light hearted. Like I had it all figured out and life will be full of happiness from this point onwards.

Then, I woke up.

I am still thinking what this means. Sigh.

Sunday Afternoon

Its been a while.
Been caught up with tons of work. I been at the office till 9pm or later almost every night. Recently got arrowed to do something a PHD should be doing instead. Tons of other stuff. Enough workwise.

Socially, I enjoyed going to Sentosa and playing a good word game with intellectual people. Its frustrating when you play with cheenna breeds, they just don't get it. Bought myself two dresses for the year end weddings. I would need to alter one and iron the other before I can wear it. The two dresses were pretty decent and didnt cost much. 60 for two. Pretty decent.

Makes mental note not to spurlge. Mooncake festive is coming, which means I have to spend obsense amount of money on over priced mooncakes. I so so so love the raffles hotel mooncake. That is the only reason why I look forward to mooncake festival every year. I hate all other mooncakes though. The gooey paste do not go down well with me.

Family Birthdays are going to cost me a couple of hundreds soon. Feel so poor already. I just did a check on my savings amout. I am not even close to the amount I had saved last year this time. I had initally set myself a 10% increament.

Might be going Cambodia in Oct. But with no chance to tour around.

NDR

Just watched the NDR and I have a few thoughts about it.

First, oh yeah, my flat is going to be HIP. Whatever that means. Since my estate is not going to be the first few to be HIP, we shall see. I just hope there is not too much hacking and noise, like what they did to the prefectly fine carpark, and now to the carpark at the coffee shop, effectively making parking such a hassle. I hope that I would have my own place by then.

Next, yes, its good that the goverment has all those policies to combat old age, hiring old people, changes to the cpf policy, yadar yadar. Its all very good and seriously I think they would benefit most Singaporeans. Its evident in the fact that we do not have homeless roaming the streets as you can see in other developed countries.

However, what the PM has impressed on me is rather not how good the goverment is, how well the govertment can provide, but rather, he reaffirms the fact that I must be self-reliant. I cannot depend on the goverment, If you had depended on the goverment, suddenly you will see your minimum age for CPF redrawal increase 10 years and in the PM words - cannot go on a holiday. I don't want to be like that.

I want to be able to have enough money to not depend on the goverment to provide me compulsary annunity, earn another %pt in increase. Like public transport, I do not want to depend on them to build trains/buses so that I can travel to town easily. I want to have my own mode of transport. Like jobs, I do not want to have to go through their job renewal problem, I want to be able to do it myself. Cos, if you depend on the goverment, somehow you are at their mercy. I distinively remembered the PM saying "No Choice" a couple of times. If you depend on the goverment, you would somewhat be the sandwich class. Remember, like most goverment policies, the benefits are the greatest for the neediest. I do not want to be the neediest.

This has somewhat made me more determined to do what I had set my mind to do in the past couple of weeks, except that I have totally no idea how to do it. But I will work on it. I have to.

And of course, there was the PM widly waving his arm at the end of his speech. It was so stift. I even caught some students laughing in the audience.

On another note, the critisim on the Jimmy Ye song. I love that song. I have read on the papers that people are complaining that there is no 'Singapore' in that song, and that the locations are too far away/exotic.

I have to admit that I was a little biased because I had just returned from London when I first heard the song and so I could relate to it. But but, the lyrics, there is no place I rather be. I mean to me, that only means one place - Singapore,home.
In fact, I did not even realised Singapore was not mentioned. I mean, when I heard that song, Kit Chan's voice, that one place was automically Singapore. I love coming home to Singapore when I am on the plane. I mean, its where my friends and my family are. My peers complain a lot about Singapore and work/study abroad. Maybe their families are more globalised, but for me, I just know deep down inside, I will never leave.

I do enjoy big open skies, plenty of space, quiet cities. In those few weeks when I was in places like that, I did think, ya I could get used to this. I mean after all the weather's way too humid in Sg, but at the end of the day, when the plane lands in Changi, no where else beats home.

About the cities being too exotic and not heartlander enough like phuket etc n what not, I am divided on this. I believe my opinion will be biased because I have been to most of the cities mentioned in the song, so obviously I could relate to it. I guess it would be a little hard if you don't even know where River Kwai is. I thought the inclusion of River Kwai was weird. But, if its all like phuket, bangkok, kl in the song, it will be weird and somewhat lose its sense of class. Do I sound atas here? Afterall, people usually holiday at these locations, not work and live.

Abrupt ending. Still can't seem to sequence my thoughts properly. Cannot be bothered with typos, grammar and spelling. Recently, my hands don't seem to type what my mind wants. I can think cat but type dog. Its been happening increasingly too often that its becoming distrubing. Taz.

Jetlagged

I am officilly jet lagged. It feels strange. I never ever experienced jetlag. I mean I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. Except that for the past two days in a row, I have been waking up at 6am.

Nursing a heavy head now but I just can't seem to sleep. Had a crazy dream in which I could conjured spells like Harry Potter and was escaping from something, except that I forgot the magical spells and was caught. I could not remember the spell that stunned people. In my dream it was stupify but I said stunned, totalus which all did not work.

I don't really want to get back to work. I been in KL 2 weeks before US, so it barely feels like I am working.

Managed to spend 900 dollars in US, of which only 200 is on myself. I don't understand why. I spent 300+ bucks on my family and another 300+ bucks on Alboy's side. Thats what happens when coach is 'cheap'

And as usual, the levis that i buy in US is too small when i return home. For some strange reason all the time, I fool myself into thinking the smaller size fits better when its always too tight when I reach home. This is the 3rd time. Sigh.

Bought a useless half jacket too cos it was so pretty. Usually i make really pratical buys but things change when you cross time zones. Spent a ton on the stopover at narita too, those jap stuff were all so pretty that you just want to buy them all. I need to stop buying stuff.

Maybe I should try to get back to sleep now.

The land of the nobody

Woa its been a month since my last update. I didnt even know it was that long. What was I doing?

Yes i spent one week in KL, half a week sick, celebrated 5 yrs with Alboy and now am on the verge of going to the land of nobody. Dun wannna gooo!!!

I have shopping list from people, I supposed the joy of buying something and paying for it but knowing it won't hurt your pockets is quite fun, except that I am not sure if I am able to find stuff that is on the list and also that I would not be able to collect back a portion of the money.

Today I woke up and suddenly I was like..maybe I should quit and go study. Surfed for MBAs at work and decided that I would only quit if I get a scholarship. Made a mental note to look more into scholarships but knowing me, it prob be this thought in my head that never materialise. V Bad.

Its only 7.20pm but I am feeling v tired. I think I can call it a day and sleep now but I have some stuff I want to do that I have been putting off. Plus there is the packing to be done for the dreadful trip. I prob miss all my flight connections and have the airport staff treat me like a stupid asian again.

So long

Till then. now.

So, plenty has happened since my last post.

The dreadful wedding is finally over. You cannot believe the amount of trouble I got into for it. First, it was the imho unnecessary jewellery saga, my parents abandoning me and the final screaming n yelling. My heart was like dead and i was trying not to look like I cried a lot on the wedding day. What so fantastic about a wedding anyway.Its not as if your life is going to change. or if there is anything you can do now that you can't do before. Too much fanfare imho.


Will be in kl next week. Its just bad timing. I get to not read HP at 7am and can only start on it at 11pm when I am back plus boss is not around. Its perfect to be in office when he is not around. But nono, I had to be away. CS are rising too which means I won't be able to monitor.

Made a cheesecake. It turned out pretty alright althought I wasn't able to yank the cake out of the mould after I was done. Who cares anyway. Had no appetite to eat it cos I knew like one whole blob of butter and cream cheese went in. Its way too much sin for me. In fact, now I look at cheesecake differently. I imagine them in butter and cream cheese. Yucks.

My updated world map

Units of a day.

Again Again, 24 hours in a day is way too short.
Imagine I divide my hours into units a day -  something inspired by about a boy when I rewatched it.

Sidetrack - on radio this morning, I am pretty certain that the guy doing the voice over for the Shell sense advertisement is the same as the Samsung Imagine advert. For a while, I thought they were the same. The way the words were emphasize were the same too.

Back to maintrack
9 units are spent working
8 units sleeping

This leaves me 7 units.
I take 1 unit to get to work.  2 units to get back, eat and bath.

That leaves me 4 units.
Sounds like a lot. Aha, that is assuming I leave work on the dot.  

Lets assume that
4 units - I spend 1 unit devouring the papers.
3 units left.  1 unit surfing the internet.  
2 units left. Well I am not abt to justify this 2 units because my plan above assumes everything runs like clockwork. By right, these 2 units should not exist. If they did, I would have my magazines to read, TV, phone time which will not be enough.

Why Why Why is this barely enough even when I leave work on the dot.

Well, the reality is I do not leave work on the dot.
That leaves my 4 units to be either 3 or 2 units.
Sigh sigh. I had this feeling of exasperation last night when I couldnt do anything except read the papers.

Now I feel a little dumb, cos all i did was to replace the word hours by units. I am sure Hugh Grant meant it differently when he used units.

Bits and Pieces

So,  the power supply isn't the problem. Changed my power supply but computer still refuses to boot up. Sigh. I hate having to depend on my work laptop. The idea of getting a mac has been crossing my mind. My rational self says no and that repairing the motherboard is prob way cheaper. My vain self says I want a mac for everything that is cool. Too bad I am not exactly feeling very rich now. Maybe I should walk across the road during lunch and shade 4 digits.

I havnt swum for the 12 days I was away and my hair feels smoother. I always thought that my hair quality was somewhat good, considering the amount I swim. Apparently, it has degraded over the years and now I feel the familiar feeling I had years ago.

Mid week.

 

Home

Home finally.

Then, I heard the new ndp song by Kit Chan on TV and it struke a chord in me. I always have been a sucker for ndp and the ndp songs. I like Home a lot, and now I think I have a second fav in There is no place I rather be.

Which is strange, because I enjoy returning to Singapore, in fact I am always very happy to be home in Sg, but home as in sg home but not my house home perse. Everytime I return house home, I get flak and tons of it which makes me wonder why I want to be home in the first place. I am still feeling that way. However, I do enjoy cruising down the pie from Changi in the cab.

Finland and London was a Blast. Finland Tampere was rather boring considering that Alboy was in conference the whole day long leaving me with ample time with nothing to do. I soon got used to and even enjoy walking in a town where there were so few people. There was so much space and it was just great. Nice cool weather.

London too, eating a sandwich and apple pie, a piece of choco cake in the park opp the London eye was just out of the world. You can never do this in the sweltering humid, ideal for mosquito breeding weather here. But in London, it was just so relaxed and nice.

We walked in a park where swans ducks pigeons flew boldly around us. Sat by the pond at a very nice cool 15 degrees and watched the world go by. It was just like in the movies.

Minus the fact that the pound was just so expensive - I had a really really good time.

cold and hot

I am becoming a fin. When I arrived I was freezing like crazy, now 20 degrees is hot to me. I can actually go out with just one jacket. Its amazing.

Have not stepped out today. Hopefully the weather is scorching hot today in finnish terms at 20 degrees.

Kinda bored here actually. Tampere is a super small town. I walked around like for 4 hours and now I can go ard without a map.

Going to Gone

Moodless. Moodless. Moodless.

Waiting for time to pass. Waiting for time to pass.

Waiting for email reply. Waiting for email reply

Want to leave. Want to fly.

 

But not particularly excited. Just want time to move on.