Its been a long time.

Yes, its been a long time. I checked, only 3 posts in 2009.
I contemplated blogging more, but maybe it was procrastination, maybe it was because I didn't 'feel' like it, maybe it was because I totally forgot about it, but eventually didn't.

I guess I should summarise my life in the past 7 months for the sake of my future self when I reread my blog.

Here it goes,
well, alboy and I are officially recognised as one now. We moved halfway around the world and have been here for 6 mths. I am now forced to prepare my own food, burning my hand in the process. The scar hasn't quite healed and I am forever wondering how long it would take. I took my CFA level 1 exam and hopefully will proceed to level 2 next june. I still swim 3 times a week although in a controlled 80F temperature. I saw, touched, smelled, snow for the first time in my life. I decided I hate snow. I don't like the dry weather either. Makes my lips crack, skin dry and most of all, I hate waking up with a perched throat. Its just too painful.

Let see, what else.
I went to Eastern Europe, that includes, Berlin, Vienna, Krakow, Budapest, Prague and some stops in Slovakia, went to Mexico and Florida. This means I now completed the Disneys of the world. A bit OD though. 5 Disneys in 5 years. I probably traveled to the most countries in 09, although it wasn't the year I travelled the most.

I smoked pot, overhyped and didnt feel a thing, probably because I was spewing smoke like a dragon instead of inhaling it. I made like 1 and a half friend in 09, and probably lose them this year or the year after. I got out of the 9-5 routine but am unsure what I feel about it. Sure, I love the fact I do not have to wake up at some god forsaken hour to stare at a screen, but sometimes time do seem to stand still and then suddenly pass too fast. I function pretty well alone, but that is an autistic fact we already know. I learned a new language. My spanish is probably better than my malay now.

Life is pretty ok now, although not the 'great' I declared at the start of 09.
Let see how the year unfolds and hopefully I return to this site more.

I dont like changes

I hate changes to my routine. I like my well established 28 yr routine. I don't really feel welcome here, the smell is different.

Previously, I dreaded going home, but deep down home still is comforting. I may be really upset, crying under the sheets but it was something I done many times, something familar. I used to spin excuses every 2 months to stay over but when I now can legally stay over, I wanna sleep at home instead. If only I can fall asleep here n wake up at home. I can't believe I would feel this way but I really miss home. Perhaps its karma when I so firmly said no to E when she insisted I will feel this way. But now, I can hardly control my tears. My eyes brimmmed with tears too easily, and my heart is extremely fragile.

Seriously, if not for the very tight bird cage, there is really no point to be married. All my life, I never did adapt to change well. Its unlike changing jobs because I am nonchalent about it. This is weird. I dont want to hunt for myself, I still want to be sheltered. There is no space for clothes here, the bedsheet is too warm, there is no breeze of cool air, no Alboy to call cos he is just here, sigh.

help.

Fly Birdie Fly...

I've been procrastinating blogging because I was too tired, a flurry of activities or just plain scared to pen my emotions down.

As usual I only return to blogger when I am extremely upset, the reasons for being so upset remains the same. Its always the same caged in a bird feeling, trying to break free, screaming, yelling, hitting bit. i hate it. n i hate having to rant about it. sigh.

I saw the date on my last post, I talked about V day. Alboy received his admission information on Vday and that has fast forwarded our lives. A flurry of ring shopping, followed by very fast decisions on gowns and photographers, we are going to be legally recognised as one soon. I am not the least bit excited and sometimes wonder if this were happening if not for the admission result. Alboy assures me it was just a matter of time, but I think that he would now still be 'too busy' if he were not given the push. I try to feel a little excited but I can't find it. Its a chore to me. I just want it over and done with. On hindsight, I should have planned this thing to be over and done in 2 mths instead of 3. I totally overestimated the time needed for gowns and photos.

To conclude, my current mood is sad, v sad with a stinging leg.

2009 : so far so good.

I don't even know how long it has been since my last blog. Its lunch time and I never ever will view my blog on the office network. Blogging on it seems different to me.

I remembered being very lazy. Not lazy actually. Just trying so hard to get as much sleep as possible. I wake up at 6am these days, so its a struggle to get at least 6 hours of sleep everynight. Switching the computer on automatically means I am going to be zombified the next day. I am now trying to wean myself to be able to survive on 5 hrs of sleep.

I remembered wanting to blog about how much I was enjoying my new job. Surprise Suprise. It shocks me now that I felt this way. The job is fine, but to use the word..enjoy. woa. The new place is much better than the 2nd place. I get my own cubicle which imho is v v v big. Quiet enviroment without the door constantly slaming behind me. I get to get some shut eye if I want as well. No one sees my computer screen so I can do rubbish things like blog openly.

The only downside - having to lug myself awake at 6am everday. Plus the traffic home is so bad. Actually it would not be if I have a seat on the bus. The traffic to Alboy's place is worst. I tried several different routes, each one longer than the previous. I dont even know if its the worsen traffic condition on the day, or just the route.

Besides that, I am quite enjoying myself, only except when I think about how I am still wasting my life away day after day. Perhaps we should all be born the way benjamin button was, then we will just live life to the max.

CNY came and went, all 15 days of it. Ya, thats at least how long I didnt blog. I didnt eat a single mandarin orange this yr, hardly felt any festivity, collected my angbaos which turned out to be quite a bit this year.

Life after cny has slumped back into pre cny routine. I kinda like it, at least the first 2-3 weeks before I start whinning on how monotonous it will be. Already I dread the 5 day week. Its only Tuesday today, help.

V day is coming - as usual it will prob just be another regular weekend, which is good too cos I dont see the pt of doing something special cos that will make your hope raise n fall. I wouldnt mind a Friday evening movie though. We have been watching a lot of moview on fridays n it feels good.

As I type this I feel myself dozing off.
Time to catch 30 winks.
The verdict on 2009 : so far so good.

Officially 2009

As usual, I always feel kinda sad that its a new year.
Its like u slug it out through the past yr and there is only this short period of enjoyment before it all resets again.
Its like in the new year, there is no excuse for you to make merry, u have to work.

Usually I am quite busy at the start of the year because of work events. Now, I am just feeling nervous cos I do not know what to expect at all. My last job I couldnt be bothered. Now I am actually nervous.

I remembered entering 2008 with the mindset that the first few months were going to pass really fast. It was event after event, flying off throughout the region, I still remember that I planned to fly off then cny, so it would be 2 weeks gone and Jan would be over before I knew it.

Now I am half looking forward to cny, cos at least there is something to look forward too, but then after cny it is going to be a drought and I hate droughts, because everything becomes so routine!

2009. Lets see what the yr will bring.

2009.

Its the time of the year when I attempt to summarise 2008.
Usually, I look back to this particular blog post a year ago, I checked all three blogs that I jumped about it and it turns out horror horror, I did not write this post. I must have been really depressed this time last yr. or maybe I was just enjoying myself in bkk then.

Things that have changed.
1. A look at my old posts seem to suggest that I been travelling a lot and I did not want to get out of the country. Now, I desparately want out! I have not been travelling since I changed jobs and it sucks. I so want to get out, go to Changi, sit in a plane, be servered a nice hot towel, sleep in a hotel room. I miss that life! So much so for complaining the last time. I am such a nut. No wonder some people say I do not know a good thing when I have it. Drats.

2. I finally changed jobs. Not once but twice. Much of my earlier posts have been lamenting about my job. After 60 mths, I finally got out. The next job was somewhat lobo. Sure the money was better but I did pratically nothing and man, the reporting manager was darn darn stupid. So unlike my old boss. I couldnt take it and bolted out. Lets see what the new job will bring in 2009.

3. I achieved pretty much nothing this year. Part of it had to do with how lobo my 2nd job was. It lulled me into this place. I go to work, sit 8 hrs doing nothing, come home ridiculously early, nap in the evening and stay online all night doing nothing. I lost all drive and did not even work on my online business. It was pretty bad.

4. I started an online business. Finally. Not too sure if started is the right word to use, cos after 4 months, I did nothing much except get the website running and sold only 1 item - to a friend somemore. I did not actively do anything else, and sometimes even avoided it. Considering I had so much lobo time, I was not sure what hit me. Its now like a dissapointment I am trying to avoid. My resolution in 2009 would be to do something abt this. Too scared to make big resolutions here.

5. I finally actively traded stocks. Overall lost as usual. Think I am currently a bit intimidated now and am steering clear for a while. Another 2009 resolution is to do something about this.

6. I think I saved quite a bit of money this year. I cashed out my 30 days leave so that gave me some cash. Plus I didnt take 2 expensive holidays like in 2007. The balance with money and enjoyment is always a toss up. Whats the point of seeing ur bank digit grow when you are not really sure what to do with it. Its still not enough to buy my property.

7. I think I went to a record number of weddings. But whats news. Its like I do not even have to worry about what to wear anymore. Its like ok, here are my wedding dresses and shoes and cluches.

8. Its still pretty much the same between Alboy and me. Excepts that he may relocate to US next yr and I am still undecide if I want to follow him there. I mean, what do I do there? Yet, the thought of being trapped in a routine 9-5 cycle, as no doubt I would be, alone is depressing.

9. Not too sure if I made any new friends this year. Met some new people at my 2nd job but I do not think I will be in much close contact with them. I mean, they are just not my type. I am way too tired to play the hi bye how are you doing game without actually giving a shit about them.

10. Lost any friends? Prob no. I think I lost them all in 2007.

11. Was looking at my 2007 bday list. I reposted it here.

My bday's coming. My wishlist includes
- 10 very very nice bookmarks. Stylish but funtional without it being act cute.
- ipod wall plug charger.
- nice jewellery would be nice. i wouldnt mind the diamond on my neck being bigger, altough i love the pendant I am wearing. After wearing it for almost 10 years, it kinda looks small or maybe I am just ready for a change. Doesnt really matter if I still wear it for the next 10 year though. Contridicitng myself, dont even know what I mean. No, I think i know what i mean but too lazy to structure my thoughts.
- Border vochurs please.
- a year subsription to the economist
- imac would be nice but I rather buy that with my own money, a bday gift has to be a gift that is oh so pretty and stunning, not like a computer
- lasik perhaps?

Its quite amazing. Cos lets see, I got the ipod wall plug charder, nice jewellery, econmist and imac. Woaa..thats 4/7. A very good score by my standard. I mean, lasik was just an afterthought, I do not think I am ready for lasik yet so make that 4/6. Now who cares abt 10 bookmarks and borders vochurs. I buy so many books from borders with the discount coupons and i just reread the pages if I am unsure where I left off. So, I got everything I wanted in 2008! Woa. I didnt even realised that. I prob coveted those things for a really long time.

Time for things I want in 2009
1. I want to travel. Greece, Egypt, short weekend to bali, but who knows I might just be in US with Alboy.
2. More fulfillment in life. Maybe more meaningful but not exhausting work.
3. Make money in stocks.
4. Start Golfing lessons? Dont ask me what the fascination is. Its just lets try why this dumb sport seems to be so fun.
5. Sleep less, wake up earlier? This has always been on the list but of mt everest level of difficulty to fulfill.
6. Tennis? but there is still no one to play with.

I will stop it here and see what else I want to add later.

The one about complaining

I had a million happy things to blog about but as usual I procrastinate.
I had been thinking that this had been a fairly decent year. Surely, I was plauged with what I like to call the bad luck phase from nov into the start of the year, it weaned off and now I consider myself in a somewhat much better position.

Yeah, something irked me today. Pissed me. Many things, in fact.

One was Alboy. I do not know why but I am just extremely irritated at him. Yup he spent a lot of time preparing for his exam, I made myself sacred. I helped him with stuff. Then all he could do/say was like things like , oh you are the best blar blar blar. Sure, he might have mean it but words mean nothing to be if you dont back them with action. Ironic how I complain abt my procrastination in the first sentence. You say one thing, and once your exam is over you plunge straight back into work. Work is always urgent, the most important. Granted work is important and you probably have piled up work but pioritise and just put me on top for once. Dont say you will meet me and blow it off. Sigh. And I am not even having pms yet.

Next, I attended a fairly decent wedding recently. Open concept, not the usual 10 course dinner. It was messy, it was hard to eat but the company was good. I was all ready to rate it a 7 out of 10, until I saw the groom's msn nick and the score plunged all the way to 1. His nick was, ideal wedding, checked. I mean, wtf. What is an ideal wedding? and how is an ideal wedding important. I still sway back n forth on the whole wedding and marriage thing. On a good day, I think its good to get married. On bad days, I just see no point. With regards to my earlier para, today is obviously a bad day. First, why is there always more emphasis on the wedding instead of the marriage. If I have my way, I will just go into the room and be done with it in 5 mins. No need for months and months of elaborate preperation. Waste of time. If a celebratory is needed, I would do it on the sg flyer. Stuff the people into the cabins, one revolution and bye. The guest prob like it cos it cost way lesser than a 150 dollars angbao and its less time consuming too. They say little girls grow up fantasing about their wedding, I never did. Not even now.

Last month of the year

I have so many things I want to gush about. Like a waterfall gushing down in a fengshui painting.
Yet, I know not where to start.

I guess I can write abt the coupon boy, although it was kinda lame and I didnt really enjoy.
The white bridal dress could be another topic.
The snake incident was mildly terrifying but mostly disturbing.
Alboy's gmat sorta bites at me.
Having the place to myself, and car
My lists

My Lovely Day

I had a great day today.

Because I was on fake mc.
It rocks.
I didnt planned it out this way although I did feel a pang of guilt early in the day but I do not really care. I was going to wake up and drag myself to work. I did wake up but my mum suddenly declard that she was not going to send me to work, which means I would be late for work and that I have to board to bus with a thousand other smelly people.

The choice was easy, I called in sick. Wahahaha

I landed up waking up at 1pm. With a slight headache cos I slept so much. Had breakfast and went to see the doctor for my mc. Then, I took off to go swimming. It was wonderful. I love the 4pm sun. Its the best. Not too hot, just nice and warm. Quiet too. Its that time when the people are not yet home from work and kids do not appear yet. It was great.
Just swim and laze around on the deck chair. I really love 4pm.

Everyday should be like this.

This post feels familar. I am pretty sure I wrote about something similars some where else. Ha

I'm back

Yup, I am back here after jumping a few blog addresses.
This felt the most real.

I cried while watching gossip girl. Cried as in really streaming tears.
It was just hard not to. The way they forgive forget, relationship, family ties. Esp, since its a thanksgiving episode.

I guess I just have too much bottled up. I still don't express easily or live life to the fullest as I should.

Maybe it just happens in the moview.

After weddings

I just got back from a wedding, and as usual I always feel depressed after attending weddings. More so when I go with Alboy. I am not entirely sure if the depression is because of the wedding or because its also a sunday night signifying the end of my weekend.

As I was bathing I was thinking, was it my inner need to get married despite what I say about not having to get married that is causing the depressing. I thought about it v long and I still think no. I really really really really still do not see the point of getting married. Maybe at least in the current state of life I am in.

Weddings are really really expensive though. The food today was suprisingly good. Not so much the usual wedding fare, rather different with huge servings. I especially love the tang yuan soup at the end of it.

I guess I prob enjoy it more when a closer fren of mine gets married. I prob feel closer and not like oh yet another wedding to go.

Its another work week tomorrow. Work has recently really be trying. My team at work is highly inadequate, making a lot of mistakes at work. When these happen, even if its not my fault, the chopping knife comes straight to me. I feel totally pekchek, very very pek chek.

This year xmas doesnt feel like xmas to me. Usually I am quite happy in dec, now its 10 days into dec but I gradually feel more despair. I need to do happier things to cheer myself up.

My wishlist

Its been a really long time since I updated here. So much has passed. Emotionals went up and down on a prospective change in job, I think the hoo haa has now passed with me remaining status quo. Life has got slightly more complicated with more things to worry about since I am constantly looking at the market these days. I am still at a monetary lost, sometimes I wish I didnt even go this direction but I know I have to if I want to break free from my daily routine.

I have been waking up later and later. I snooze a record 18 mins each day, waking up just a glorious 45 mins before I start work in the office. Its quite amazing, thats prob one of the only thing I love about my job. Its so near my home.

Work has been tiring. Some misfortune befel one of my colleague putting her out of action for quite a long meaning I have to do the saikang. Also, I seemed to be an automatic target for blood. Everone wants my blood for something that goes wrong even if i am not involve. Sigh. Sometimes I just feel like quitting, but I yet to make my million dollar yet.

Recently took a liking to the dopod's sliding keyboard. Love a small computer where I can just slide open anytime and type without having to switch the computer on. But, I really have hardly any use for a phone. I sms more these days becos I sms friends watching the market, else no one calls me. My phone batt still last a whole week before I have to charge it. I read some blogs where the blogger is extremely cheerful but somehow I dont think I am the bubbly kind. I dont even structure my thougts. V bad. I just flet from one to another, probably leaving a trail of grammatical errors behind.

My bday's coming. My wishlist includes
- 10 very very nice bookmarks. Stylish but funtional without it being act cute.
- ipod wall plug charger.
- nice jewellery would be nice. i wouldnt mind the diamond on my neck being bigger, altough i love the pendant I am wearing. After wearing it for almost 10 years, it kinda looks small or maybe I am just ready for a change. Doesnt really matter if I still wear it for the next 10 year though. Contridicitng myself, dont even know what I mean. No, I think i know what i mean but too lazy to structure my thoughts.
- Border vochurs please.
- a year subsription to the economist
- imac would be nice but I rather buy that with my own money, a bday gift has to be a gift that is oh so pretty and stunning, not like a computer
- lasik perhaps?

-

My Updated World Map

Maldives, France, Spain, Finland, London, Cambodia - 6 New countries this year.
Possibly Indo in Dec, yet another 3rd world country.

Msia, Thailand, Phil, US - Total Count 10.

Have reached the stage of slight OD,wanting to sleep on my own bed for as long as I want. It helps when the hotel is good.

Cambodia hotel was great, porters helping with my luggage all the way, room service, nice big towels, abliet a little musky smell, it was better than expected. The country itself is still pretty much third world. Gravel everywhere, disgusting toilets, schools like look like TCS8 Zhao An Lao Shi. It was the land of Gap and Abercombie though. I wasnt sure if the sure were real, so I bought only 25USD worth, at 5USD a shirt, it was not bad. I am sure I was being ripped off but I didnt feel like bargaining much that day.

I didnt expect much, so everything fell nicely within expectation. Having been to Vietnam helps, though I think Vietnam is probably a tad more organised.

Feel a bit lost, work is going to pile up, the thought of it is just saffocating. Alboy's going to be busy. End of the year festivitals are going to start soon. Usually I feel slightly light hearted and high as the year ends, I hope this feeling ovwewhelms me soon. The thought of having only 2 months left in the year is slighly terrifiying.

One more BKK trip at the end of the year. One more flight, that is if I squirm my way out of Indo.

I can't believe I am soo sooo sooo sleepy in the morning. I slept at 11+ midnight, so that gave me a good8 hours sleep but I am still terribly sleepy. My head feels as if it is starved of oxygen and I just feel like sleeping in the sauna at lunch. Maybe I should go swim then sleep. Plus I think I have a naturally sleepy face so people always think I look damn tired.

This week has been crawling for me. The past few weeks have been a blur but this week is agonising. Maybe its the eagerly awaiting Monday holiday thing that is making time pass so slowly.

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that of Emily, Ben, Jiliang , Samuel, Hanwei and this one other girl. I was going to alter a dress cos someone insisted I alter it and I met Emily there with a girl. I had to go to work after and Emily kept insisting my mum should give us a lift cos its on the way, but it really wasnt cos she was going to NTU n me to JE. But we still all hoped in. Surprising the car could fit us all, Hanwei took the wheel with my mum at the passenger seat. It was super weird. Then I realised it was 8am and if I stayed in dreamland  I would have to call in sick. Which may not be such a bad thing afterall.

I reiterate, I am terribly sleepy.

 

 

the hunting

I think I got picked up today. Woohoo..it was quite a nice feeling.

Was spending the whole of today and yesterday at an event, spoke to a guy briefly on some work related stuff, then i forgot how he looked like cos i was talking to a whole bunch of different people the whole day.


So today, this guy whom I thought looked like huge grant was kinda looking at me the whole day. I blankly stared back having no recollection of having spoke to him. He was ang moh so I wasnt very interested too, plus I was falling half asleep standing up.

At the end of the day, he finally came up to where I was stationed and talked to me. There was almost no work stuff, then I remembered I talked to him before after he repeated some stuff. Mostly, we talked abt Singapore, and the influx of foreign talent and my take on it (That i shall elaboraet in another post). He was going to take a train through 'scenic' malaysia to reach thailand. Thru the 'jungle trail' of pahang etc etc, the guide books really write it well. I told him it would be nothing by foilage and mosquitoes and that he should be worried abt dengue..hahah

Then of course, he asked me out for dinner. Maybe it was just a friendly , i have no friends here gesture, but it felt nice. I rejected of course saying that I have to go back to the office to work. While the feeling of being hunted is nice, I dont think I have the energy to entertain him the entire evening. I wasnt even very interested either, it was just nice while it lasted.hahah

so u have it. *head swells*

Gosh, I am falling asleep in front of the computer.
Of course I blame it on everything else, the cold stuffy non-circulating office air, why work has to start at 8+ in the morning instead of noon. I told myself I would sleep at 10pm last night but landed up taking a 45 mins nap at 7+ and then sleeping past midnight. I am always more awake at night even if my brain is totally dead.

Am sneezing more than the usual, not sure if its enough to warrant an MC. By saying that means whether it is convincing enough to fake an MC, I don't actually want to fall sick. I just found out a fren works at the clinic near my house and he has said he will issue me MCs. So happy. Not that I will take advantage of it but its always good to know you have a backup plan.

So glad I am only working a 4 day week this week, and last week. It makes me happier to think that I only have to wake up at 7am+ one more day of the week.

Listened to Rod Steward "Sometimes when we touch" in the morning, and I paid close attention to the lyrics for the first time. I was /still am quite disturbed after that. Was it a love song/break up song? Or a "we realised we are not meant for each other even though we love each other"? Or a "I broke up with you then I realised I love you"? He sang with so much emotion, it was so heartwenching. The same thoughts probably occurred to the DJ cos she said "what is he singing about" right after the song ended.  The song kinda reminded me of My Best Friend's wedding. So heartwrenching. I curse at Cameron Diaz everytime I watch the show.   How awful it must be to love a guy for 9 years , not admit it and be bridesmaid at his wedding.

 

So, the parents are overseas. The house is absoutely quiet. No one except me wakes up before noon. I am the earliest at 11.50am. one wakes up at 2+, the other is still asleep at 5pm.

That single filet o fish is long digested but I don't really want to eat now as I will mess up my dinner timings.

Its amazing the amount of laundry we generate, Just one day and it was a full load of clothes in the wash. Of course now that I have washed and hung them, I refuse to keep and fold them.

I have a craving for soup spoon's soup. But I think the nearest outlet is a tad bit too far and I don't think I want to navigate the traffic on a saturday afternoon. Though I have the car, even a place like JP is madness. My gripe about that place is that they do not accept CC, making payment for cashless people like me a hassle.

The Choo Choo Train..

I seem to be running after trains a lot these days.
Everyday is a adrenaline rush to get home, finish my dinner, resist that sleepiness which i always succumb too, struggle to wake up after half an hour instead of sleeping the whole night through, switch on the computer to sieve through the different offerings, look at performance, read the papers and lie down in bed to read my book. By then it will be nearly 2am and I would only read like 5 pages max before falling asleep without wearing my mouthguard.

I wake up half demoralised because I feel I did not accomplish what I set out to do the day before. Then the cycle repeats. Either I am assigning myself too many tasks or I am not being efficient enough. Somedays i feel I am somewhat quite efficient but yet i still cannot complete what i set out to do.

Sometimes I wish i were dedicated to a single cause and can just focus entirely on it.
Good thing is, I am all set for my trip to BKK 3 mths later. My tickets are all redeemed and hotel accommodation settled. One thing less to worry about.

 

A weird dream

I am tired and am trying to squeeze in as much read time before I conk out, but I have have to blog this before my brain loses its ability to remember it.

I had a weird dream, a distrubing one.

Remember my last dream, I think I blogged about it but am too lazy to find it to link it. It was about the ring rolling around. ** put the link it as an afterthought*

This time, it was even more scary. I suspect it was a result of me visitng my colleague's 18th month old in the middle of the day and pretending I had the most enjoyable afternoon playing or trying to play with the tot. I don't even find it adorable.

Back to the dream.

I was having dinner with Alboy and his parents and halfway through the maincourse, he fished out this diamone ring case(dunno what you call it) and opened it. Of course there was a diamond inside, i even remembered it size. 0.61C. But before he opened the case, I screamed nooooooo. When the ring was revealed, I was already reduced to a state of vehemently shaking my head in distress. Then, Alboy's mum went , 'Put on the ring and let me see' and I was like 'Sorry Auntie I can't' and I think she went into a fit. I can't remember the exact details because I was feeling so sad about rejecting Alboy.

Then somehow I was a but upset on the ring size. I was thinking that Alboy spent all his money on a overpriced ring because it was from Lee Hwa (I think). Anyway, I was just so depressed. My heart totally sunk. Then Alboy was like so hurt, then it got to a stage where he was really really really so so so hurt , I think it was like a few days later, you know there is hardly any sense of time when you dream that I said yes.

Then I was like hmmm ok and somewhat facing up to it. But at that point in time, I was hit by some werid feeling again. I looked at Alboy face and somehow it just didnt feel right. It was like I would not have anything in common with him or anytihng to talk ot him about after the wedding..and it was as if my life already belonged to someone else.

Then I turned to look at Alboy and suddenly, I was looking at my ex face instead of him. Then everytihng just seemed to right out of a sudden because I know why. I looked at him firmly in the face and said I can't do this, my life belongs to someone else(Alboy) and said sorry and walked away rather light hearted. Like I had it all figured out and life will be full of happiness from this point onwards.

Then, I woke up.

I am still thinking what this means. Sigh.