I dont like changes

I hate changes to my routine. I like my well established 28 yr routine. I don't really feel welcome here, the smell is different.

Previously, I dreaded going home, but deep down home still is comforting. I may be really upset, crying under the sheets but it was something I done many times, something familar. I used to spin excuses every 2 months to stay over but when I now can legally stay over, I wanna sleep at home instead. If only I can fall asleep here n wake up at home. I can't believe I would feel this way but I really miss home. Perhaps its karma when I so firmly said no to E when she insisted I will feel this way. But now, I can hardly control my tears. My eyes brimmmed with tears too easily, and my heart is extremely fragile.

Seriously, if not for the very tight bird cage, there is really no point to be married. All my life, I never did adapt to change well. Its unlike changing jobs because I am nonchalent about it. This is weird. I dont want to hunt for myself, I still want to be sheltered. There is no space for clothes here, the bedsheet is too warm, there is no breeze of cool air, no Alboy to call cos he is just here, sigh.

help.