Off I go.

So, no news of president elections, am I am off to Kota Tinggi. Crap.

I went to 4 different places today to buy insect repellent but I landed up with none. I wanted the yellow bottle but no where seemed to carry it, when i got desperate and was willing to buy any brand, I couldn't find anyone who sells insect repellent at midnight. What good is Cheers and 7-11 if they don't sell insect repellent?

I am now master at packing. I pack really fast and really little. In fact, packing is like so normal to me.

K, need to go try to shit. I hate shitting in Msia.

I had the scariest dream.

I dreamt that my boss found my blog. He did a search for the word 'resume' and my blog turned up because I typed the word resume so many times on it.

I was walking around in the office and I saw him looking at a screen with pink layout which looked very much like mine. I peered nearer and I freaked out. I remember telling him or rather begging him not to read it because its my personal space. Although I leave very scanty personal information here, if you know me, you obviously can tell whose blog you are reading.

I think I almost cried in my dreams. I mean, how can you let your boss read your blog or worse let him find out your enthusiasm at work is all but a front and that you are trying desperately to change jobs. My boss is a great man, I respect him a lot and I know he values me at work.

How do you actually put it across that you want more? He isn't Singaporean and does not behave like the typical Singaporean boss. He has given me lots of opportunities and he loves the company. Sometimes, I feel like I am betraying him but everyone else has been telling me that I should think for myself instead of staying for the sake of loyalty. Two years at a slightly above entry level position doesn't really consitute much loyalty and I agree.

Sigh. The first thing I did when I woke up was to want to delete this blog. The dream was so real. I had to take deep breaths to calm myself down.

I muttered, its only a dream, only a dream.

If I ever shut this down abruptly, you know why.

Long post.

If you are one of those that say I whine a lot, don't read on. You been warned.

I cannot even describe the emotion I am feeling now, its depression mixed with a kind of relief.
Let me explain,

Today, I attended a wedding. Both the church ceremony and the dinner. The church ceremony was alright except that being non-xian, it never fails to bore me. I have never liked the christian faith mainly because there are too many evangelists around. They keep dragging you to church and telling you that you will not go to heaven if you do not accept christ. What kind of religion condemns other religion? Religion is sensitive and I will not dwell on it. A few of my closer friends like GJ are xian and I treasure the friendship.

The church was St Mary something something, cannot remember. Its the one at Bt Batok, very posh very nice, once featured in the papers. It was designed by some well known architecture firm. The building was really very nice, very posh. I mean, I have never seen a church with bose speakers at every 2m intervals. The seats were made of nice solid wood. It was very nice.

The food at the reception was very good also. It was very very classy and very well done.

Dinner was at Grant Hyatt. The bride and groom took pains to decorate the place very nicely.

Let me elaborate a bit on the couple. The bride is a doctor. She scored a miserable 'D' for bio during 'A' Levels but went on to be a doctor. Why? She had money, so she enrolled in some medical school in London. That medical school merged with King's college and her degree scroll is from King's college. How lucky can one get? Money does wonder. If she didn't have the money, she would have studied something else and possibly be in a mundane job, like me.

The groom is some EDB scholar. I only met the bride once. I was the plus one. She is Dang's friend.

Her dad used to be some big shot at SIA, some director , I hear. Her family rings a bell when they call for the maid.

The whole wedding banquet was so high class. Everyone was in nice dresses and suits. Everyone, including the old uncles in their 50s, 60s. How many uncles that age have suits? Most would wear a shirt and tie. The old aunties were all absolutely bling bling.

The food was good. The best as yet. The fish was fresh. There was abalone, and other expensive dishes I don't remember. Best of all, there was no chessy walk in , the one that the waiters walk in to the Mission Impossible song in some chessy formation.

I was at a table which made me feel very depressed. I only know half the table. Alboy was with me. John was at my table too and he is my university kaki, he however spent the whole dinner flirting with 3 other girls. I met them a few times at other weddings, still it was difficult to small talk with them. I was never good at it anyway. The other half of the table were doctors.

Then it struck me. I was the lowest paid at the table. I felt really upset. I feel my pay is low but I do get paid decently . The doctors definitely earn more than me. John earns more than me. The 3 girls, one's a dentist who definitely earns more than me. One used to work at Tech and now is at some bank, she definitely earns more. I know what Tech pays so I am pretty sure she earns more than me. The other is a physiotherapist.

I turned around and told Alboy. I think he didn't know what to say to comfort me.

I surveyed the crowd. Everyone was in nice dresses and bling bling. I figured they were all well to do. I mean, they ran out of complimentary parking tickets to give out. I think the guests all drove their S class and Beemers.

I felt very depressed. I have been submitting resumes. It's a tiring and it is stressing me out. I do not get stressed easily. I do not even feel stressed during exams, this would be the first time I actually feel stressed, pressured. No one has called me for interviews and I am very discouraged. Don't worry, I will still preserve though.

That explains why I am depressed. The relief bit?
I am just really glad I have Alboy. He works too long hours and he often forgets what I say. Still, just holding his hand makes me feel better. Not much better cos it will not change the fix I am in, but its just better.

Sigh. My heart feels heavy.

Hungry

I have been hungry very often recently. I have been eating more as well. I think my metabolism rate increased tremendously.

I feel lighter although I am pretty sure I am eating way more.

I had a Unagi set at Hisatomo yesterday and less than 2 hours later on the way home, I was hungry again.

I wolfed down a bowl of noodles and duck when I got home. I didn't even feel bloated or anything after that.

This morning, barely 5 hours later, I woke up with a growling stomach. My breakfast was a bowl of lor mee. Yes, lor mee at 8am in the morning. Its the most fantastic way to start off your day. Beats the fishball and wanton noodles. Yes, while others eat 2 pathetic slice of bread for breakfast, I enjoy hawker food. Usually, its lor mee, fishball noodles, fish slice noodles sometimes I get rice. Its fantastic.

At noon, I was starving again. However, I was jioed to the gym, so I went to swim instead. Crazy. I had a full bowl of vegetarian noodles after that. At 3pm, I was hungry again. I only had biscuits to eat in the office because my pantry is so poorly stocked. 7pm, what's new now, hunger strikes.

Despite all the eating, my stomach is flat. When I mean flat, I mean flat flat. Most people can be stick thin but have bulges around their tummy area, but my tummy remains flat. Jealous eh. Dun give me flak for this k.

I feel like superwoman.

I now have the reputation of eating a lot in the office. My collegues who went to Philippines with me have been spreading stories that I eat a lot and non-stop. Crap. I only eat a lot in comparison with them. Heellooo, which guy only eats Yogurt for breakfast. That is so lame. I eat a full meal at breakfast, 2 rounds of the buffet fare. I think more at lunch and dinner at them too. In my defense, that is only because they eat so little. Both are guys who weight 70+kg.

I hate girls who eat very little and say they are full. No one can possibly be full from a mouthful of lettuce. Veggies sucks too. Eat meat! I am absolutely carnivorous. I eat only selected vegetables,i.e vegs with no leaves. I hate the raw veg taste.

K. Before you envy me, I do swim 5 times a week. I think its the swimming that is increasing my metabolism rate. I used to swim that often in the past but never felt this way before.

My only wish - that with all the food intake, I will grow taller.

Handsel, will you marry me?

Today, Guojun proposed to me. He sent me an sms ,"Handsel, will you marry me?"

Kok, he has been lamenting that I have not blogged for a very long time and that sms will give me something to blog about.
I have loads to tell, but I do not know where to start. I been to Taiwan and back. I guess all my closer friends on msn would have bits and pieces of the story. It was good, except that I felt extremely tired when I got back.

So, to Guojun, of course I will not marry you la. Duh. Marrying terrifies me, at least for now.

Now that there is no more desperate housewives, my mondays have become emptier. I planned to plough through recruits and send out resumes, but to my incest, I found out that my mum sold sat's recruit to the garang guni man. So upset. I been sending out resumes but no one seem to be calling me up for any interview. Am getting discouraged. Very, in fact.

Alboy took on a crazy working schedule. He now works from 830 am till 1030pm. The crunch time, he calls it. It is so crunching that he doesn't even pick up my call. He tells me that he hears the phone ring and know its me because I am assigned a different ring tone, but he leaves it ringing anyhow. I think he is crazy. Working 14 hours a day leaves him no time for anything else. By the time he leaves his workplace, it is 11pm, this leaves him no time to even take a proper bath at home before hitting the sacks.

On a happier note, I finished reading the whole of HP and the Half blood prince. It is her best installment so far. Its deeper and not like the previous Lord Voldermort appeared, got rid of him at the end of the book kind. In fact, Lord Voldermort does not even appear in the book. Tom Riddle does though. Ok, no more spoilers. But if you want to know more, I be more than glad to fill you in.

My days seem empty. My work is unfulfilling. I bore myself at night after work.

I want to go out and have fun at night but somehow I also like the serenity home provides. I also feel guilty if I go out too much cos this would mean that I see my dad less at home. My dad has been sleeping earlier these days. Although we do not talk much in each other presence, I try to make it a point to appear physically in front of him. I may still be constipated for words when I face him but I think I will try. Recent events have led me to realized that I really do love and miss my dad. Sure, I may not be the perfect daughter my dad wants me to be, I do not agree with him on several things. My dad has been on my mind more and more often these days. I do not really know what to do expect appear more often in front of him.

I want the week to go past fast. In fact I want the month to pass fast. 2 reasons. I would be getting my pay, I have about a thousand dollars in claim this month,before you salivate, I had to fork out every single cent of this one thousand dollars first. One major thing I do not like about my company, they always assume you have spare cash to fork out first. 2nd, it would mean I am close to the NDP long weekend. I just realized from a teacher friend that they get weds off too, and I was happy with my tues long weekend. Crap.

k, I will stop. Promise to blog more frequently.

*swirls ard and faints*

I shat like 10 times today. Someone please plug my asshole. On second thoughs, that sound suggestive.
I ate like so many charcoal pills but its not helping. I am getting so weak from all that purging.

Will watch desparate housewives and go to bed. *faints*

Grrrr....

Have to work tomorrow. Sure get depressed. Thankfully its only a 3 day work week for me.

Mr President, please hold your elections on 30th July.
Please please, so I do not need to go to Kota Tinggi for some spastic team building exercise with my colleagues. I want to sleep in.
Please someone run for presidency. I have never voted all my life. Please, I promise I vote whoever PAP wants me to vote.
I so do not want to go Kota Tinggi.

I'm back!!

So, I am back. I am feeling a little down because Alboy is sick. He is so sick, his temperature has been at 39 degrees the whole day. I had wanted to go out to have some fun in town. Ok, I am down not because Alboy is sick, I am down because this weekend is going to be wasted.

I had the strangest feeling when I woke up this morning. It was like, eh, I had not worked for a very long time. It wasn't a fantastic feeling, just strange.

Many times during the past week, I woke up not remembering where I was.
I jumped out of bed on my first morning in Manila, I forgot I was in Manila. I fall asleep fast and sleep very soundly regardless of location, I think my heart skipped a beat when I woke up.

On another morning, I jumped out of bed again, this time shocked to see two guys in the same bed as me. Relax, I did nothing. No threesome involved. My bed was actually big enough to sleep 3 comfortably. The two guys and I were chatting in my room and they had way too much booze and fell asleep on my bed. No hanky panky. Yes, my bed is big enough for three. It was fantastic sleeping in it. The pillows were too soft though. I felt like Rapunzel when I use the pillows.

Minus the lack of sleep, I had a fantastic time in Manila. I slept a grand total of 15 hours the whole time I was there. Blame it on my two colleagues who wanted to booze all night. They fed me juice each time they drank. So irritating. My juice was also like 5 times more expensive than their booze.

I guessed I had a great time in Manila because I went to the super high class place. Its like orchard road and nothing you see like the mess on tv. The toilets in Manila were surprising clean. Cleaner than ours. I had a very very bad case of diarrhoea when I was there.

I guess it was my fault that I ordered Vongole. It was a high class restaurant and I thought nothing would happen. I rushed to puke halfway through the meal. I thought I was done with it but I went on to shit 5 times after that. Its the peeing shit type. I shat till my asshole ached.

Besides the high class places I went, I landed myself in a slum unknowingly. Blame it on the hotel bellboy. He suggested we go there. The taxi driver tried to persuade us against going but being cocky Singaporeans, we insisted. It was really dark and dirty there. We found a Starbucks and immediately sought comfort in it. What wusses. It was only the next day that we found out the place was a slum and that almost everyone carries a gun there.

I went to Shang rila for dinner one night. They had this chocolate fountain thingy that immediately wowed me. It was chocolate fondue but the chocolate was flowing like a fountain. You stick the satay stick into the marshmellow and placed it in the fountain. It was fantastic. I must had like 10 chocolate mashmellows. That is in addition to all the sashimi. Yummy.

I am glad to be back in Sg. I always am. I am kinda tired now. Nights.

p/s. Dried mangoes in Manila cost like USD18 for a pack of 4. Its crazy. Then again, that is the airport price. I didn't get to check how much they actually cost in the city. Needless to say, I didn't buy anything. In fact, I didn't even spend a single cent the whole time I was there.