After weddings

I just got back from a wedding, and as usual I always feel depressed after attending weddings. More so when I go with Alboy. I am not entirely sure if the depression is because of the wedding or because its also a sunday night signifying the end of my weekend.

As I was bathing I was thinking, was it my inner need to get married despite what I say about not having to get married that is causing the depressing. I thought about it v long and I still think no. I really really really really still do not see the point of getting married. Maybe at least in the current state of life I am in.

Weddings are really really expensive though. The food today was suprisingly good. Not so much the usual wedding fare, rather different with huge servings. I especially love the tang yuan soup at the end of it.

I guess I prob enjoy it more when a closer fren of mine gets married. I prob feel closer and not like oh yet another wedding to go.

Its another work week tomorrow. Work has recently really be trying. My team at work is highly inadequate, making a lot of mistakes at work. When these happen, even if its not my fault, the chopping knife comes straight to me. I feel totally pekchek, very very pek chek.

This year xmas doesnt feel like xmas to me. Usually I am quite happy in dec, now its 10 days into dec but I gradually feel more despair. I need to do happier things to cheer myself up.

My wishlist

Its been a really long time since I updated here. So much has passed. Emotionals went up and down on a prospective change in job, I think the hoo haa has now passed with me remaining status quo. Life has got slightly more complicated with more things to worry about since I am constantly looking at the market these days. I am still at a monetary lost, sometimes I wish I didnt even go this direction but I know I have to if I want to break free from my daily routine.

I have been waking up later and later. I snooze a record 18 mins each day, waking up just a glorious 45 mins before I start work in the office. Its quite amazing, thats prob one of the only thing I love about my job. Its so near my home.

Work has been tiring. Some misfortune befel one of my colleague putting her out of action for quite a long meaning I have to do the saikang. Also, I seemed to be an automatic target for blood. Everone wants my blood for something that goes wrong even if i am not involve. Sigh. Sometimes I just feel like quitting, but I yet to make my million dollar yet.

Recently took a liking to the dopod's sliding keyboard. Love a small computer where I can just slide open anytime and type without having to switch the computer on. But, I really have hardly any use for a phone. I sms more these days becos I sms friends watching the market, else no one calls me. My phone batt still last a whole week before I have to charge it. I read some blogs where the blogger is extremely cheerful but somehow I dont think I am the bubbly kind. I dont even structure my thougts. V bad. I just flet from one to another, probably leaving a trail of grammatical errors behind.

My bday's coming. My wishlist includes
- 10 very very nice bookmarks. Stylish but funtional without it being act cute.
- ipod wall plug charger.
- nice jewellery would be nice. i wouldnt mind the diamond on my neck being bigger, altough i love the pendant I am wearing. After wearing it for almost 10 years, it kinda looks small or maybe I am just ready for a change. Doesnt really matter if I still wear it for the next 10 year though. Contridicitng myself, dont even know what I mean. No, I think i know what i mean but too lazy to structure my thoughts.
- Border vochurs please.
- a year subsription to the economist
- imac would be nice but I rather buy that with my own money, a bday gift has to be a gift that is oh so pretty and stunning, not like a computer
- lasik perhaps?

-

My Updated World Map

Maldives, France, Spain, Finland, London, Cambodia - 6 New countries this year.
Possibly Indo in Dec, yet another 3rd world country.

Msia, Thailand, Phil, US - Total Count 10.

Have reached the stage of slight OD,wanting to sleep on my own bed for as long as I want. It helps when the hotel is good.

Cambodia hotel was great, porters helping with my luggage all the way, room service, nice big towels, abliet a little musky smell, it was better than expected. The country itself is still pretty much third world. Gravel everywhere, disgusting toilets, schools like look like TCS8 Zhao An Lao Shi. It was the land of Gap and Abercombie though. I wasnt sure if the sure were real, so I bought only 25USD worth, at 5USD a shirt, it was not bad. I am sure I was being ripped off but I didnt feel like bargaining much that day.

I didnt expect much, so everything fell nicely within expectation. Having been to Vietnam helps, though I think Vietnam is probably a tad more organised.

Feel a bit lost, work is going to pile up, the thought of it is just saffocating. Alboy's going to be busy. End of the year festivitals are going to start soon. Usually I feel slightly light hearted and high as the year ends, I hope this feeling ovwewhelms me soon. The thought of having only 2 months left in the year is slighly terrifiying.

One more BKK trip at the end of the year. One more flight, that is if I squirm my way out of Indo.

I can't believe I am soo sooo sooo sleepy in the morning. I slept at 11+ midnight, so that gave me a good8 hours sleep but I am still terribly sleepy. My head feels as if it is starved of oxygen and I just feel like sleeping in the sauna at lunch. Maybe I should go swim then sleep. Plus I think I have a naturally sleepy face so people always think I look damn tired.

This week has been crawling for me. The past few weeks have been a blur but this week is agonising. Maybe its the eagerly awaiting Monday holiday thing that is making time pass so slowly.

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that of Emily, Ben, Jiliang , Samuel, Hanwei and this one other girl. I was going to alter a dress cos someone insisted I alter it and I met Emily there with a girl. I had to go to work after and Emily kept insisting my mum should give us a lift cos its on the way, but it really wasnt cos she was going to NTU n me to JE. But we still all hoped in. Surprising the car could fit us all, Hanwei took the wheel with my mum at the passenger seat. It was super weird. Then I realised it was 8am and if I stayed in dreamland  I would have to call in sick. Which may not be such a bad thing afterall.

I reiterate, I am terribly sleepy.

 

 

the hunting

I think I got picked up today. Woohoo..it was quite a nice feeling.

Was spending the whole of today and yesterday at an event, spoke to a guy briefly on some work related stuff, then i forgot how he looked like cos i was talking to a whole bunch of different people the whole day.


So today, this guy whom I thought looked like huge grant was kinda looking at me the whole day. I blankly stared back having no recollection of having spoke to him. He was ang moh so I wasnt very interested too, plus I was falling half asleep standing up.

At the end of the day, he finally came up to where I was stationed and talked to me. There was almost no work stuff, then I remembered I talked to him before after he repeated some stuff. Mostly, we talked abt Singapore, and the influx of foreign talent and my take on it (That i shall elaboraet in another post). He was going to take a train through 'scenic' malaysia to reach thailand. Thru the 'jungle trail' of pahang etc etc, the guide books really write it well. I told him it would be nothing by foilage and mosquitoes and that he should be worried abt dengue..hahah

Then of course, he asked me out for dinner. Maybe it was just a friendly , i have no friends here gesture, but it felt nice. I rejected of course saying that I have to go back to the office to work. While the feeling of being hunted is nice, I dont think I have the energy to entertain him the entire evening. I wasnt even very interested either, it was just nice while it lasted.hahah

so u have it. *head swells*

Gosh, I am falling asleep in front of the computer.
Of course I blame it on everything else, the cold stuffy non-circulating office air, why work has to start at 8+ in the morning instead of noon. I told myself I would sleep at 10pm last night but landed up taking a 45 mins nap at 7+ and then sleeping past midnight. I am always more awake at night even if my brain is totally dead.

Am sneezing more than the usual, not sure if its enough to warrant an MC. By saying that means whether it is convincing enough to fake an MC, I don't actually want to fall sick. I just found out a fren works at the clinic near my house and he has said he will issue me MCs. So happy. Not that I will take advantage of it but its always good to know you have a backup plan.

So glad I am only working a 4 day week this week, and last week. It makes me happier to think that I only have to wake up at 7am+ one more day of the week.

Listened to Rod Steward "Sometimes when we touch" in the morning, and I paid close attention to the lyrics for the first time. I was /still am quite disturbed after that. Was it a love song/break up song? Or a "we realised we are not meant for each other even though we love each other"? Or a "I broke up with you then I realised I love you"? He sang with so much emotion, it was so heartwenching. The same thoughts probably occurred to the DJ cos she said "what is he singing about" right after the song ended.  The song kinda reminded me of My Best Friend's wedding. So heartwrenching. I curse at Cameron Diaz everytime I watch the show.   How awful it must be to love a guy for 9 years , not admit it and be bridesmaid at his wedding.

 

So, the parents are overseas. The house is absoutely quiet. No one except me wakes up before noon. I am the earliest at 11.50am. one wakes up at 2+, the other is still asleep at 5pm.

That single filet o fish is long digested but I don't really want to eat now as I will mess up my dinner timings.

Its amazing the amount of laundry we generate, Just one day and it was a full load of clothes in the wash. Of course now that I have washed and hung them, I refuse to keep and fold them.

I have a craving for soup spoon's soup. But I think the nearest outlet is a tad bit too far and I don't think I want to navigate the traffic on a saturday afternoon. Though I have the car, even a place like JP is madness. My gripe about that place is that they do not accept CC, making payment for cashless people like me a hassle.

The Choo Choo Train..

I seem to be running after trains a lot these days.
Everyday is a adrenaline rush to get home, finish my dinner, resist that sleepiness which i always succumb too, struggle to wake up after half an hour instead of sleeping the whole night through, switch on the computer to sieve through the different offerings, look at performance, read the papers and lie down in bed to read my book. By then it will be nearly 2am and I would only read like 5 pages max before falling asleep without wearing my mouthguard.

I wake up half demoralised because I feel I did not accomplish what I set out to do the day before. Then the cycle repeats. Either I am assigning myself too many tasks or I am not being efficient enough. Somedays i feel I am somewhat quite efficient but yet i still cannot complete what i set out to do.

Sometimes I wish i were dedicated to a single cause and can just focus entirely on it.
Good thing is, I am all set for my trip to BKK 3 mths later. My tickets are all redeemed and hotel accommodation settled. One thing less to worry about.

 

A weird dream

I am tired and am trying to squeeze in as much read time before I conk out, but I have have to blog this before my brain loses its ability to remember it.

I had a weird dream, a distrubing one.

Remember my last dream, I think I blogged about it but am too lazy to find it to link it. It was about the ring rolling around. ** put the link it as an afterthought*

This time, it was even more scary. I suspect it was a result of me visitng my colleague's 18th month old in the middle of the day and pretending I had the most enjoyable afternoon playing or trying to play with the tot. I don't even find it adorable.

Back to the dream.

I was having dinner with Alboy and his parents and halfway through the maincourse, he fished out this diamone ring case(dunno what you call it) and opened it. Of course there was a diamond inside, i even remembered it size. 0.61C. But before he opened the case, I screamed nooooooo. When the ring was revealed, I was already reduced to a state of vehemently shaking my head in distress. Then, Alboy's mum went , 'Put on the ring and let me see' and I was like 'Sorry Auntie I can't' and I think she went into a fit. I can't remember the exact details because I was feeling so sad about rejecting Alboy.

Then somehow I was a but upset on the ring size. I was thinking that Alboy spent all his money on a overpriced ring because it was from Lee Hwa (I think). Anyway, I was just so depressed. My heart totally sunk. Then Alboy was like so hurt, then it got to a stage where he was really really really so so so hurt , I think it was like a few days later, you know there is hardly any sense of time when you dream that I said yes.

Then I was like hmmm ok and somewhat facing up to it. But at that point in time, I was hit by some werid feeling again. I looked at Alboy face and somehow it just didnt feel right. It was like I would not have anything in common with him or anytihng to talk ot him about after the wedding..and it was as if my life already belonged to someone else.

Then I turned to look at Alboy and suddenly, I was looking at my ex face instead of him. Then everytihng just seemed to right out of a sudden because I know why. I looked at him firmly in the face and said I can't do this, my life belongs to someone else(Alboy) and said sorry and walked away rather light hearted. Like I had it all figured out and life will be full of happiness from this point onwards.

Then, I woke up.

I am still thinking what this means. Sigh.

Sunday Afternoon

Its been a while.
Been caught up with tons of work. I been at the office till 9pm or later almost every night. Recently got arrowed to do something a PHD should be doing instead. Tons of other stuff. Enough workwise.

Socially, I enjoyed going to Sentosa and playing a good word game with intellectual people. Its frustrating when you play with cheenna breeds, they just don't get it. Bought myself two dresses for the year end weddings. I would need to alter one and iron the other before I can wear it. The two dresses were pretty decent and didnt cost much. 60 for two. Pretty decent.

Makes mental note not to spurlge. Mooncake festive is coming, which means I have to spend obsense amount of money on over priced mooncakes. I so so so love the raffles hotel mooncake. That is the only reason why I look forward to mooncake festival every year. I hate all other mooncakes though. The gooey paste do not go down well with me.

Family Birthdays are going to cost me a couple of hundreds soon. Feel so poor already. I just did a check on my savings amout. I am not even close to the amount I had saved last year this time. I had initally set myself a 10% increament.

Might be going Cambodia in Oct. But with no chance to tour around.

NDR

Just watched the NDR and I have a few thoughts about it.

First, oh yeah, my flat is going to be HIP. Whatever that means. Since my estate is not going to be the first few to be HIP, we shall see. I just hope there is not too much hacking and noise, like what they did to the prefectly fine carpark, and now to the carpark at the coffee shop, effectively making parking such a hassle. I hope that I would have my own place by then.

Next, yes, its good that the goverment has all those policies to combat old age, hiring old people, changes to the cpf policy, yadar yadar. Its all very good and seriously I think they would benefit most Singaporeans. Its evident in the fact that we do not have homeless roaming the streets as you can see in other developed countries.

However, what the PM has impressed on me is rather not how good the goverment is, how well the govertment can provide, but rather, he reaffirms the fact that I must be self-reliant. I cannot depend on the goverment, If you had depended on the goverment, suddenly you will see your minimum age for CPF redrawal increase 10 years and in the PM words - cannot go on a holiday. I don't want to be like that.

I want to be able to have enough money to not depend on the goverment to provide me compulsary annunity, earn another %pt in increase. Like public transport, I do not want to depend on them to build trains/buses so that I can travel to town easily. I want to have my own mode of transport. Like jobs, I do not want to have to go through their job renewal problem, I want to be able to do it myself. Cos, if you depend on the goverment, somehow you are at their mercy. I distinively remembered the PM saying "No Choice" a couple of times. If you depend on the goverment, you would somewhat be the sandwich class. Remember, like most goverment policies, the benefits are the greatest for the neediest. I do not want to be the neediest.

This has somewhat made me more determined to do what I had set my mind to do in the past couple of weeks, except that I have totally no idea how to do it. But I will work on it. I have to.

And of course, there was the PM widly waving his arm at the end of his speech. It was so stift. I even caught some students laughing in the audience.

On another note, the critisim on the Jimmy Ye song. I love that song. I have read on the papers that people are complaining that there is no 'Singapore' in that song, and that the locations are too far away/exotic.

I have to admit that I was a little biased because I had just returned from London when I first heard the song and so I could relate to it. But but, the lyrics, there is no place I rather be. I mean to me, that only means one place - Singapore,home.
In fact, I did not even realised Singapore was not mentioned. I mean, when I heard that song, Kit Chan's voice, that one place was automically Singapore. I love coming home to Singapore when I am on the plane. I mean, its where my friends and my family are. My peers complain a lot about Singapore and work/study abroad. Maybe their families are more globalised, but for me, I just know deep down inside, I will never leave.

I do enjoy big open skies, plenty of space, quiet cities. In those few weeks when I was in places like that, I did think, ya I could get used to this. I mean after all the weather's way too humid in Sg, but at the end of the day, when the plane lands in Changi, no where else beats home.

About the cities being too exotic and not heartlander enough like phuket etc n what not, I am divided on this. I believe my opinion will be biased because I have been to most of the cities mentioned in the song, so obviously I could relate to it. I guess it would be a little hard if you don't even know where River Kwai is. I thought the inclusion of River Kwai was weird. But, if its all like phuket, bangkok, kl in the song, it will be weird and somewhat lose its sense of class. Do I sound atas here? Afterall, people usually holiday at these locations, not work and live.

Abrupt ending. Still can't seem to sequence my thoughts properly. Cannot be bothered with typos, grammar and spelling. Recently, my hands don't seem to type what my mind wants. I can think cat but type dog. Its been happening increasingly too often that its becoming distrubing. Taz.

Jetlagged

I am officilly jet lagged. It feels strange. I never ever experienced jetlag. I mean I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. Except that for the past two days in a row, I have been waking up at 6am.

Nursing a heavy head now but I just can't seem to sleep. Had a crazy dream in which I could conjured spells like Harry Potter and was escaping from something, except that I forgot the magical spells and was caught. I could not remember the spell that stunned people. In my dream it was stupify but I said stunned, totalus which all did not work.

I don't really want to get back to work. I been in KL 2 weeks before US, so it barely feels like I am working.

Managed to spend 900 dollars in US, of which only 200 is on myself. I don't understand why. I spent 300+ bucks on my family and another 300+ bucks on Alboy's side. Thats what happens when coach is 'cheap'

And as usual, the levis that i buy in US is too small when i return home. For some strange reason all the time, I fool myself into thinking the smaller size fits better when its always too tight when I reach home. This is the 3rd time. Sigh.

Bought a useless half jacket too cos it was so pretty. Usually i make really pratical buys but things change when you cross time zones. Spent a ton on the stopover at narita too, those jap stuff were all so pretty that you just want to buy them all. I need to stop buying stuff.

Maybe I should try to get back to sleep now.

The land of the nobody

Woa its been a month since my last update. I didnt even know it was that long. What was I doing?

Yes i spent one week in KL, half a week sick, celebrated 5 yrs with Alboy and now am on the verge of going to the land of nobody. Dun wannna gooo!!!

I have shopping list from people, I supposed the joy of buying something and paying for it but knowing it won't hurt your pockets is quite fun, except that I am not sure if I am able to find stuff that is on the list and also that I would not be able to collect back a portion of the money.

Today I woke up and suddenly I was like..maybe I should quit and go study. Surfed for MBAs at work and decided that I would only quit if I get a scholarship. Made a mental note to look more into scholarships but knowing me, it prob be this thought in my head that never materialise. V Bad.

Its only 7.20pm but I am feeling v tired. I think I can call it a day and sleep now but I have some stuff I want to do that I have been putting off. Plus there is the packing to be done for the dreadful trip. I prob miss all my flight connections and have the airport staff treat me like a stupid asian again.

So long

Till then. now.

So, plenty has happened since my last post.

The dreadful wedding is finally over. You cannot believe the amount of trouble I got into for it. First, it was the imho unnecessary jewellery saga, my parents abandoning me and the final screaming n yelling. My heart was like dead and i was trying not to look like I cried a lot on the wedding day. What so fantastic about a wedding anyway.Its not as if your life is going to change. or if there is anything you can do now that you can't do before. Too much fanfare imho.


Will be in kl next week. Its just bad timing. I get to not read HP at 7am and can only start on it at 11pm when I am back plus boss is not around. Its perfect to be in office when he is not around. But nono, I had to be away. CS are rising too which means I won't be able to monitor.

Made a cheesecake. It turned out pretty alright althought I wasn't able to yank the cake out of the mould after I was done. Who cares anyway. Had no appetite to eat it cos I knew like one whole blob of butter and cream cheese went in. Its way too much sin for me. In fact, now I look at cheesecake differently. I imagine them in butter and cream cheese. Yucks.

My updated world map

Units of a day.

Again Again, 24 hours in a day is way too short.
Imagine I divide my hours into units a day -  something inspired by about a boy when I rewatched it.

Sidetrack - on radio this morning, I am pretty certain that the guy doing the voice over for the Shell sense advertisement is the same as the Samsung Imagine advert. For a while, I thought they were the same. The way the words were emphasize were the same too.

Back to maintrack
9 units are spent working
8 units sleeping

This leaves me 7 units.
I take 1 unit to get to work.  2 units to get back, eat and bath.

That leaves me 4 units.
Sounds like a lot. Aha, that is assuming I leave work on the dot.  

Lets assume that
4 units - I spend 1 unit devouring the papers.
3 units left.  1 unit surfing the internet.  
2 units left. Well I am not abt to justify this 2 units because my plan above assumes everything runs like clockwork. By right, these 2 units should not exist. If they did, I would have my magazines to read, TV, phone time which will not be enough.

Why Why Why is this barely enough even when I leave work on the dot.

Well, the reality is I do not leave work on the dot.
That leaves my 4 units to be either 3 or 2 units.
Sigh sigh. I had this feeling of exasperation last night when I couldnt do anything except read the papers.

Now I feel a little dumb, cos all i did was to replace the word hours by units. I am sure Hugh Grant meant it differently when he used units.

Bits and Pieces

So,  the power supply isn't the problem. Changed my power supply but computer still refuses to boot up. Sigh. I hate having to depend on my work laptop. The idea of getting a mac has been crossing my mind. My rational self says no and that repairing the motherboard is prob way cheaper. My vain self says I want a mac for everything that is cool. Too bad I am not exactly feeling very rich now. Maybe I should walk across the road during lunch and shade 4 digits.

I havnt swum for the 12 days I was away and my hair feels smoother. I always thought that my hair quality was somewhat good, considering the amount I swim. Apparently, it has degraded over the years and now I feel the familiar feeling I had years ago.

Mid week.

 

Home

Home finally.

Then, I heard the new ndp song by Kit Chan on TV and it struke a chord in me. I always have been a sucker for ndp and the ndp songs. I like Home a lot, and now I think I have a second fav in There is no place I rather be.

Which is strange, because I enjoy returning to Singapore, in fact I am always very happy to be home in Sg, but home as in sg home but not my house home perse. Everytime I return house home, I get flak and tons of it which makes me wonder why I want to be home in the first place. I am still feeling that way. However, I do enjoy cruising down the pie from Changi in the cab.

Finland and London was a Blast. Finland Tampere was rather boring considering that Alboy was in conference the whole day long leaving me with ample time with nothing to do. I soon got used to and even enjoy walking in a town where there were so few people. There was so much space and it was just great. Nice cool weather.

London too, eating a sandwich and apple pie, a piece of choco cake in the park opp the London eye was just out of the world. You can never do this in the sweltering humid, ideal for mosquito breeding weather here. But in London, it was just so relaxed and nice.

We walked in a park where swans ducks pigeons flew boldly around us. Sat by the pond at a very nice cool 15 degrees and watched the world go by. It was just like in the movies.

Minus the fact that the pound was just so expensive - I had a really really good time.

cold and hot

I am becoming a fin. When I arrived I was freezing like crazy, now 20 degrees is hot to me. I can actually go out with just one jacket. Its amazing.

Have not stepped out today. Hopefully the weather is scorching hot today in finnish terms at 20 degrees.

Kinda bored here actually. Tampere is a super small town. I walked around like for 4 hours and now I can go ard without a map.

Going to Gone

Moodless. Moodless. Moodless.

Waiting for time to pass. Waiting for time to pass.

Waiting for email reply. Waiting for email reply

Want to leave. Want to fly.

 

But not particularly excited. Just want time to move on.

chirp chirp

I been reading Karen Cheng blog and she is just so inspiring. I been reading for some time now but on a lazy Sunday afternoon I just started reading entries from before. She inspires me. She makes parenting seem like such a joy. Totally opp from whatever stories my mum tells me. Sometimes I wish my mum stop doing such things. Its poisoning me. Her husband comes home at 5pm everything, and still has time to take care of kids. I do not think it happens here in Sg. If you reach home by 8pm I supposed its a wonderful thing already.

I know she probably has her tiring times too but the fact that all her entries are so bright and chirpy is just so nice. Its like an escape from my own world. I should make a conscious effort to blog about happy things. Like how today I swam faster than this 1.8m tall ang moh. Like how my boss is not around and I have been doing rubbishy work today. Like how I convinced myself that even though I stare at my computer screen doing nothing, I am doing work as long as I am listening to podcast by top company management from the ipod. Ain't that wonderful.

 

Dollar and Sense

I should be sleeping now. But I am not.

I had a lousey evening. It usually happens when I need to buy something and Alboy is around. You see, we have very different notions about how much a thing should cost and how much I would be willing to pay for it. Alboy just have this mindset that the more expensive something is, the higher the quality. Usually that is the case, but the question I always have is, Do you need that high quality. Sometimes you are just paying for the branding. Sometimes he gets totally biased and insist it is the better make even before opening the package. Gosh, I hate those moments. When its his turn to buy stuff, i just do my tsk n walk away because after all it is his money and its not for me to approve his purchases.

Its a different story when I need to buy stuff. I do not consider myself a cheapo but I am highly unwilling to pay top dollar for something. I am much more pragmetic. If something performs its function and is not too ugly looking, I do not need to buy the most expensive one.

So it always happens like this. Alboy accompanies me to look for my item. Take the ipod skin for example. I was only willing to pay 20 dollars max for a silicon cover. But Alboy always have to insist that the cheap silicon covers are no good. Personally at 20 bucks, I do not think its cheap. Also, I hate to make my purchase at the first shop, I like to shop around, walk around, know that I am not cheated because I can buy the same thing at a neighbourhood store at 80% of the price. I get into this mangzhang mood cos Alboy just picks things beyond what I am willing to pay, then puts me into this difficult spot. Then, I go really silent and blackface then he gets mad too. I end up paying for something overpriced and feeling shitty about it.

Something similar happened again. Sigh. I should stop shopping with him.

Another story, at timberland, I think a yr or so ago. I need to get this moisturizer for my suede bag. Timberland was the only place I could find the moisturizer. Buy the moisturizer I will cos I really did the hunting. Then came along this one stupid brush. I knew I didnt need the brush. But Alboy insisted I will need the brush some day. My argument at that point in time was, When I need it I will buy it. I do not even forsee myself needing the brush. I didnt know what happened but I paid 8 bucks for the brush anyway. Its not really a matter of money, but now when I look at the brush in mint condition sitting on my shelve, I feel super irritated.

I should shop with people who understands this.

For the soul mate that he is, I do not ever think he understands this.

Sigh. I should really go sleep or risk being zombified at work tomorrow. But, like I care.

Random

Heard "I never promised you a rose garden" on my way to work and man, it was the most awful song I heard in a long time.
Not the song per se, cos I love that song but today's song was sung with absolutely no feeling. I thought it must be a cover, then I was thinking to myself, it seems like a song sung by a guy to a girl so I was pretty sure what I heard was a cover. Did a google the moment I got into the office and found out it was sung by a woman. Now I am a bit disturbed.

Feeling dazed on a tuesdays is not a good sign. Blame Prison Break. 5 episodes in a row is so not good for health.
I need sleep.

 

Of mice and stupid people

Today i think, erm erm, I havn't blogged for some time so I should write something really nice.

But now, I am in the eragon mood where I want to mentally kill some people. Make it more violent this time, I want to physically take their heads and smash it against the wall till the blood makes a mess on the floor.

How can some people be so self centered, think they are so damn bloody smart (worse still, keep refering to themselves as smart which really reafirms the fact that they think they are smart) but yet be so dumb. I hate people who pick and choose what they want to belive. Sometimes, I think i should just focuse on my job and not bother but its just not me. I have this knack for telling people off and confronting them like a raged bull when I totally do not agree. Sigh. Poor me.

To happier things, I finally filled in my spreadsheet and realised I spent a lot of money this month. Its double the amount. If money spent were an indication of my social life then I should be doing pretty well but somehow I do not feel so. It does not help that the GSS is ongoing. I seriously do not think I be buying anything unless it is really really cheap which it never is.

My heart feels rather knotted. I think its cos of imbeciles and work. Sometimes I feel like just quitting but I don't think i will. Not yet at least.

A Perfect Morning.

A perfect morning

-  Wake up feeling totally refreshed. That means 12 hours of sleep at least. I just read somewhere today that waking up refreshed is the best feeling in the world. I paused to think  about it and I think ya, its actually not bad. Too bad I peel myself out of bed almost every morning.

- Wash up, Have a pippin hot breakfast. Preferably like Prawn Noodles or Wanton Noodles.

- Settle oneself down on the sofa and slowly reading through the papers.

- Assuming all these take place in nice cool weather, it would be time for a little nap or some light chore like making the bed. Else, take a long hot bath or go for a swim.

- Juice some fruits for drinks.

- Sleep/Watch TV

Sigh.
 

An Entry

Time to blog since I have some spare time.

It’s been a crazy week for me workwise.
On the social note, I have been caught up with watching 24 now that I have completed prison break. I do not like it at all. Not the show. But the act of watching TV.

I only have so many hours a day, watching television disrupts my reading routine. Eversince I started Prison Break, I have not been able to complete my Magazine readings before the next issue arrives. It is pissing me off big time. My book - I read only 5 pages a day before I get too tired and conked off. Anyone would, try reading a book at 3am after 3 hours of telly. It’s so disgusting.

I am going to just complete the first season of 24 and stop there. It’s not that interesting anyway. The rest if I watch, it be like a Saturday Afternoon thingy, no more messing with my reading.

Spent 230+ on Mother's Day Lunch. Sometimes I think that my siblings are the ones who are enjoying it most. I mean, they just wait and depend for me to make reservations, go have a nice lunch , make mum happy and mum doesn’t question them on their absence of presents. I should make them pay a nominal amount but then I would surely get flak for imposing that.

Have recently been enamored by the T100 and ipod Video 80G. My mum was almost going to buy the 80G for me (in partial exchange for LV) but they had no stock. Darn. Now that we left Epicenter, its never going to happen again.

Would put them on my Birthday Wishlist since I do not foresee myself spending so much money. Have to put myself on Budget. Esp since I have yet to book my London Finland hotels. That is going to cost at least 1k.

Things I need to do this week
- Pack my clothes cupboard and decide if I really do need an extra cupboard
- Pack my table. I cannot understand how my table now is messier than when I was actually using it to study.
- Pack my room. I think I have more wires entangling everything.
- Get another component input cable so I do not have to manually plug and unplug them everytime I switch from TV to DVD. Than k goodness I have some substantial knowledge about electrical stuff.
- While I am on that, install Wireless control for my light switch! Not high priority since I would have to shut off electricity to my whole house. Do not think Dad would be very pleased.
- Finish reading all my backdated magazines.

Single or not?

Attended a wedding today, watched Jennifer Aniston Rumour has it , heard 2 friends propose and here are my thoughts on getting hitched.

I still do not understand it. Or rather, to put it more honestly, I don't think I understand myself. I still do not know what stand I take about marriage. More of these reunification just make me think deeper to what I really want. I think I want to be together with Alboy for a long long time but yet, I am afraid of what the future will be. I am afraid I will be bored and take flight. I also do not want to give up all the little luxuries I get when I stay at home.

Since I have been travelling quite a bit this yr, 6 countries in 4 months, I realise that i am always rather happy when I am out. Maybe its a form of escapism, or maybe I really just enjoy taking in the sights.

Maybe its because I am not making much new friends these days that I spend time with Alboy. Maybe its the other way around. I enjoy being with him a lot. But, i just hate the empty feeling I get when I am alone because he is not free. It makes me feel useless and needy.

I seen a lot of new couples happily together at the start but later they hate each other like crazy. How did it happen? How can you hate someone you liked so much previously?

On Alboy, I know he is a keeper, thats for sure. Which guy will endure me screaming and hunging up the phone on him when I get irritated(which doesn't happen often) , then leave it alone only to sms tease/confront me about it and later buy me ice cream?? I know a lot of guys who would either have flared up too, or try to 'reason' with the girl making the girl admit she was wrong.

Two of my friends just did amazing proposals. One took 6 months to make a mtv and used to to propose in a ktv, the other arranged an elaborate fancy dinner and popped the qns with a big ass tiffany ring. It was woa. But the strange thing is, I didnt feel like i wanted any of those things, infact i think i was a bit terrified.

Jennifer Aniston in Rumor has it was somewhat like that. It took her major awakening in her life before she finally knew what she wanted. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be have to go through that but yet I feel like I want to feel what I really want before I just go along with the flow of things.

A lot of rambling. I still do not know my point of this post. Maybe next time I have to structure it first to have it make more sense.

My updated World Map

Paradise on earth

Maldives was lovely. Paradise. Heaven on earth. The most beautiful place I have been.

It was the only place where I wanted to hop onto a plane and fly back immediately right after I landed back in Singapore. When I close my eyes, I still can picture it vividly. I want to remember every moment of it before the memory gets blurred. It was just, perfect.

Our room was about the cheapest (but yet still very expensive imho) on the resort but yet it was lovely. The back of the room was a glass wall with wooden blinds. Open the door and you have this neat patio area afterwhich you walk out to pristine white sand and crystal clear waters. Yes, the beach at your backyard. It was just surreal. The waters were so clear that you can see fishes swimming to shore. On one day, dophines actually swam really close too.

At night, the sky was just a blanket of stars. Clear skies whole night. Beats all the stargazing sessions I been. The whole sky of stars just there for you. In my rush to pack the night before, I forgot my starmap so I could only recognise the major constellations which kinda pissed me off cos there were just so many of these jewels in the skies. I had told myself to pack it in but totally forgot.

I slept at 10pm everyday and wake up at 7, feeling all refresh and nice. The routine was so laid back, wake up , eat a hearty breakfast. Activity at 10+11, then back to shower and change nice nice for lunch, then activity again either at 2 or 4 then shower and change nice nice for dinner.

There were so many koreans there and boy do those ladies know how to dress. They were dresses I would wear to weddings to go on board a boat, complete with kitty heels. Its a wonder they didnt capsize on board. They kinda inspired me to dress up, so I had fun dressing up during mealtimes. Mambo had a closing down sale just 2 days before I left and I bought quite a bit of stuff there which came in handy. Alboy packed so many shirts and berns/jeans, I didnt even know he packed so much, he was always so nicely dress for meals too. That vain boy even brought two watches, one for meal one for rough use. I almost fainted when I found out.

What did I do there?
I went sailing, or rather sat on the sail and the guide jaga the boat, snorkelled, suba dive, wakeboard, fishing, did a half day island hopping thingy, went sunset dophin watching. It was just perfect, going out on the boat, sea breeze ruffling your hair. All the photos turned out fantastic, mainly because the scenary was so great it didnt even matter if you scrowl in the photo.

Fishing was an experience. There were so many fish out there. We were just provided a reel of nylon string and some tuna as bait, throw into the water and fish. Alboy caught this huge fish, or rather the standard size there, the length of the fish was from his ankles to his knees. I caught a tiny red snapper though. Best part is, they cooked it for you for dinner the next day. It felt a bit strange though, to be so involved in the killing and eating of the fish. A bit cruel cos you could see the poor fish struggling, hooked through its nose/eyes and then eating it the next day.

Snorkeling was just out of the world. There were stingrays, turtles , sharks, octopus and plenty of multi coloured fish. The marine creatures mentioned were just an arm length away. It was that plentiful and nearby. I even managed to touch and rub the shell of the turtle. Was a bit afraid of a Steve Irwin when I was swimming ontop the stingrays because I knew there were barely a meter below. In fact, we saw more snorkelling than scuba diving.

Wakeboarding. My first try. Everytime we do any of these sea sports in Singapore, you will land up smelling like the longkang water the whole day even if you give yourself a thourough bath. Here, the scenary just makes falling into the water fun. Clean water, nice backdrop. Photos turned out amazing too.

It was just amazing. No wonder so many people go there for honeymoon. Oh, we told the agent that we were on honeymoon too to enjoy the perks like free fruits yada yada....and when we first arrived the first night, I got a shock of my life. They used leaves, flowers to create this "happy honeymoon" words on the bed, then flowers scattered all over. I was just speechless for words. The bell boy was like "oh your honeymoon" and I wanted to say nononono, but I guess my jaws were just too wide open and too stunned to react. Alboy then took over from there and I didnt really know what was exchanged.

I want to go back there again.
Would post photos if not cos I am too lazy to figure out how the photo thing works. Don't have the software I used to use now that I am using the laptop.
Would show to all when we meet up. You have to see it. It just mega pretty.

The slightly ouch factor was that everything was so expensive.
Accomodation was 2.2kSGD , Spending amout there(inclusive of food and excurisions) was 1.2kUSD. Airport tax was 400SGD. Thank goodness I redeemed the tickets else that would have been an additional 1.2k SGD. Just this alone was like 4.5k SGD, just for 4 wonderful nights. Very expensive. But it was really worth every single cent imho.

I want to go back!!

The Wheel turns...

So, its one of those days where you feel just tired, then you are not sure if you are emotionally tired or could be a physical strain. You think for a while, then decide its a lethal combination of the two. Mind over body you tell yourself, but alas, the mind is weak. The force is not there.

Things have progressed to a stage where I hardly feel much. Let it be, Whatever, I don't care, Even if I do, do I have the power to do anything you ask. Ziltch.

Yet, the wheel of life has to continue turning, dateline has to be met, else you get annihilated, you get weeded out. You persist then you find out certain things that make you $ad. Ya, $ad. A new word I learnt. A useful one.

A walk to remember

A walk to remember was on TV today. Although I think Mandy Moore sucks, the male lead was quite eyecandy.

Anyway, this show brings back memories. A point in my life where I did not know what the hell I was doing. I watched this show at JEC like 5 years ago with a guy, this quite hunky guy. It was crazy. I didnt know I was doing. The guy was hunky as agreed by most people in the varisty and somehow I landed myself with him. I think he treated me like his gf and now I cannot even remember if he tried to hold my hand.

All i remembered was, during the show I was like wtf, after the show I was like, how do I get rid of him. Which was strange because I sorta invited trouble myself. I 'dissapeared' and remained uncontactable for like a month from him after that. It was sorta end of story. I felt bad, am reminded of how bad I felt today.

Things that come back to haunt you.

My updated Map of the World

Back home!

Glad to be back in Sunny Sg.

Barcelona was mainly hotel. I only got to see Sangrada Familia, ate some tapas and surprisingly good food. Water there is always with the 'con gas' choice. Its refreshing although all the gas made me feel a little flatulant. I think I prefer my water still. I am still undecided how I feel about water with gas.

France was okok. The touristy attractions were okok. Maybe cos I was alone and it was raining most of the time, leaving me super duper cold and miserable. Paris Disney was suprisingly small, like HK. Half a day was enough.

The driver who drove me from the hotel told me "Paris is a place full of magic".

On my way back, there was a wedding ceromony and he went "This is a sign for you, when you get back to Sg, you will get married".

Later, there was this huge bird shit splattered all over his window, he thinks its a sign too. I told him that in Sg, if you have bird shit, you probably become very rich soon. He immediately went" This is a sign, when you get back to Sg, you will get married with someone very rich, Paris is full of magic".

When we reached the airport, there was sirens going off and he went "This is a sign for you, when you get back to Sg, you will get married with someone very rich who is the chief of the police. Paris is full of magic".

I was like hurhurhurhurhur, and in a hurry to get out of his car to grab some grub because I was starving. Starving really, so hungry that I thought I knew how a kid in Somalia feels like. I had not eaten in hours cos everything was so expensive. I had initially planned to go back to the hotel because the neighbourhood is cheaper there but my driver came early, leaving me with no time to eat.

BTW, nothing the driver said has come true. I don't think it will anyway.

I been super duper tired since I came back. Had to attend a 2 day meeting, then work work work. Today I slept 16 hours straight. I didnt even wake up. My dad came and shoke me "eh, 4pm already" I was like..what.... I was planning to sleep in..but like till noon. Not 4pm. and by 6pm, I was ready to go sleep again.

The good thing is,
-I am going to watch Phantom on Sunday
- I am going to Maldives in two weeks. Finally finalised the trip. Its so expensive. 2.2k just for accomodation, and its the second cheapest one. Thankfully, the tickets are redeemed.
- I also booked my tickets to Finland and London in June.

That leaves me so so so broke. My cc actually got rejected when I tried to pay for dinner.

Gone again

I'm really tired.

Going to Barcelona in a few hours then Paris.
Sounds fun but I am really tired. God knows what is going to happen in the meeting in Barcelona and the idea of walking around in Paris alone does not excite me. Plus, boss just had to schedule his bi annual meeting right after I come back leaving me with no time to prepare. Sigh.

On top of that, I just got back from KL PG and TH. 2 weeks out with one week in between and I am gone. I kinda miss my bed. So bad till I am working on my laptop on my bed now. The deal is to work till the battery power runs out and I will stop procrasinatoing and pack for Spain. Its so freaking cold there I think I will freeze and whither. 15 degrees is too cold for me but I risk looking like an idiot there all fully wraped like a ba zhang. Who cares.

The High Life

Its 3am and I just got home. I'm kinda tired and still have to hook up my DVD player because I must watch the last 10 mins of The Devil Wears Prade but I just have to word this before the moment is gone.

I just found out I actually love the night life so much. I have always been a night creature but mostly I am stuck in my room, recently I had the opp to be out and best of all , at the wheel. The feeling is tremendously. The first time I did that, i had a high that lasted 2 days.

If I had the wheel more often, I properly be really really really tempted to get my own set. I think I have arrived at a stage where I probably can afford a car, abeilt I do not get to save as much as I want. If I had taken the job offer last yr, my car would be one year old now. Much as I like to be driven, the feeling of being in control is fantastic. I think this must be mainly due to the facts that I drive at night and there is no traffic. I can swerve across 3 lines and do perpendicular turnings with it without having to neogoitate the congested arteries of day time traffic.

I love being able to lead my own life and forget about work. I been reading watching high fashion shows, not by purpose but rather concidentally. I need that kinda passion, energy and purpose for life that the characters have. Now I just lug myself to work. At least now I have started something on the side that is supposed to burn the fire in me. I am getting quite old and need to be on top of my game.

Recently I been looking and buying pretty things and its getting me onto a high as well. I have this huge shoe obession now and it doesn't help that Alboy is supporting me on this. He believes that a girl cannot have too many shoes and thinks that 30 plus shoes are cheap. Even up to less than a hundred is fine for him as long as the design is nice, cos he says that guy shoes cost a whole lot more. I think this is someone who has like what. 3 Kenneth Coles? and has to get a new pair to match his new trousers?

K, need to go hook up the DVD and wake up by 9.30 tomorrow. Am on Leave. Happiness. This has to be one of the best CNY.

I am delidrious.

*note- i'm too tired to go thru spelling n grammer edits. So be it.

My world travel map

Ya, so this is where I been and lived. Feels empty to me.
The naming of the places got messed up. I wanted the city, country format but because the maps were as usual as not as detailed in the asia region, it was hard to pinpoint exact locations so I just left them as countries in Asia. Want to go Europe

Updates

Just a short one, more like an update.
Been in office till midnight everynight for a week already and counting. Super tired. Going to Phil on Sunday back on Friday then its cny. Humongous stuff going around at work, working with stupid people makes everything doubly hard to do. Can't wait for massage + facial. Can envision myself sleeping there,
Tataz

Turn turn turn turn

Its a cycle. Maybe its hormonal, maybe its the weather. I just feel slightly depressed come Sunday nights. The good thing is I have gotten used to it.

Am supposed to be studying for my malay test tomorrow but I did none of those. I checked my email, was hijacked to friendster and now am too tired to absorb anything. Methinks me will just head straight to bed.

My colleagues have been adding me to friendster and they have been putting my photo up on their profile. This sucks. I want to be faceless on the net. I have sucessfully asked all my friends not to put my photo on their blogs and these idiots just keep posting picture after picture of me. Sucks. Don't you need your friend's permission to post their picture? Maybe I am self centerd of what, I never ever put my friends picture on the www.

Actually, I wil not mind it so much if it were a group picture and faces small and unclear. I hate to be identified like this, esp if I were in a V neckline dress that reveals cleavage. Maybe I will go ask them to pull the picture down. Some of them are profile pictures somemore. OMG.

Its going to be a crazy week. I do not have such a good feeling abt it. I just want friday to come and go fast. Friday, finally. One city down another 4 more to go. Just thinking of it makes me pant. In another post, I will write about what I really think about. In short, its kinda pointless. We are but the labour to make the wheels turn.

Time traveller's wife has been so far so good. Sometimes I do wish I had the ability to see into the future, abeilt without the losing of clothes part.

OK. need to go at least read some malay. Cikgu thinks I'm his top student. No Joke. But thats just because I am the most serious about it. The others skip classes all the time. Am going to terribly dissapoint him tomorrow.

A good read.

Today was one of those days that I wake up not knowing which day of the week it is. It has been a long time since I felt this way. On hindsight, I felt the same way on Sunday but since it was a Sunday, I gladly and promptly fell back to sleep.

 I bought The Time Traveller's Wife and am immensely happy with myself. Now I have a nice book to indulge in instead of catch 22. That I will slowly read, I plan to finish that too since it does have rave reviews. At least that keeps me happy for the time being.

Bought a pretty dress at 24 bucks too. Quite a steal. The problem with me is I keep buying dresses telling myself that it is for my malay colleague's wedding in March. But everytime I see a  nice dress, i keep telling myself that I will wear this dress instead of the previous. Now I have like 3 different dresses for the wedding. Thankfully they are all in the 20-30 dollars range. Don't need to be so fanciful for void deck reunification.  

Need a good book.

Now that I finished reading eldest, I feel slightly empty. I have been so used to being transported to another world everynight and now I feel a bit sad. Embarked on catch 22, but I keep falling asleep after 2 page. I need a better book.

I watched Apocalypto. It was gruesome - the wrong movie to be sucking on a popsicle. I felt like puking halfway. Usually gory doesn't have an effect on me, but eating and watching at the same time was a tad too much. Good thing the lead looked a bit like Jerry Yan. Next time I will just watch a bimbo show - something like legally blond.

Work is going to be trying this week. I think I made some bad blood in office. I have a feeling some people out there are starting to hate me. Everyday i feel like a racehorse running towards the finishing line, but with 2 huge sandbags pulling me down. I don't understand some people really. I hate to sound arrogant but I really think their procesing and thinking capabilities are much slower than mine. Certain things that to me are only a minor hicchup, they spend hours agonising over it, with no apparent progress in sight.

Going to do a mini asean tour coming feb-mar. Hopefully after that life will be smoother. I am also convinced everything I touch turns to rock. Since the start of this yr these things have broken - house heater, scv box in my room, hdb lift(had to walk up and down for 2 days), camcorder (twice), computer (2 computers, had a major time resurrecting them).

On a happier note, I have been swimming much faster. Partly cos I get so angry with above mentioned colleagues that I have so much pent up energy to expend during lunch. I feel my muscles hardening and I am darker. Its strange, I swim during lunch all the time but only start getting darker recently. Maybe its because I been going at noon instead of 1pm, not sure if an hour really makes that much difference.

p/s.Thanks moi for the comment - when you are less busy lets go shopping or do nails or something.

The mental mind

I waited for 40 minutes at the busstop only to find out that I missed the last bus. I meant, it was only 12.10am so I thought I had a chance, after all the bus came from Toa Payoh and I was at KAP. I saw the bus going the other direction. All the other buses came but mine. Eventually someone sms me and I asked him to checked the timing, the bus left TP at 1130pm. Strange, I must have just missed the bus. It was ridiculous. I had to take a cab, which I initially resisted because I only had 2 dollars with me and refused to spend more money on cabs. Cabbed I did, paid with NETs, the surcharge is only 30 cents compared to the pricely 15% with credit cards. Felt so duh, accumulated even more negative energy in me with no outlet.

All this negative eneregy has been in me. I know not the reason. Work has been trying but I usually am not affected by work since I refuse to let my life rotate around it. Have been more bored with Alboy recently, its just the routiness of things. Meet late, cannot do anything, dinner home. Screamed and short fused at him a couple of times, not my fault entirely. He has been having a trying time at work too. Sometimes I consider myself really lucky, because when I am in the mangzhang mood, he actually is not ignorant of it and is rather sensitive. Even puts in extra effort to soothe me. I am sure all the other guys out there would have went ballastic. At least I can easily think of at least 5 guys who will do it.

Been reading eragaon and I am fasinated with the idea of how strong the mental mind is. You can easily kill troops by just thinking and using the correct ancient word. I mean, how cool would it be if I can mentally maim my uselsss colleagues every morning.

I went mental shopping today, in preparation for cny. I didn't spend any money because I felt rather poor after attending all the weddings. My mental purchases were - a pink sequined top ($40), a long sleeve top ($40), two pairs of Charles and Keith shoes ($60) , 9west shoes ($108) and Time Travellers Wife at 40% discount ($12). It easily came up to $250. See, how fast money is spent. Sigh.

I think I will actually buy these items (except 9west - too pricey) , maybe later or at a time when I feel richer. Oh, whoever who wants to buy Charles and Keith shoes, please hold on and let me know. I decided I want to qualify for the discount card. I need to spend $120. Since the shoes are pretty affordable, it does make sense to qualify for the discount. The newer designs are actualy pretty decent.

I need more mirth in life.

January's first monday.

I feel as if my weekend were robbed from me.
First I had another wedding to attend. Seriously, I am soo soo soo soo sick of weddings. Esp colleague's wedding. I would be forced to go, forced to give a decent ang bao, forced to mingle and smile on a Saturday. I think I deserve my break.
Then I had to wake up early on Sunday to go to this Fengshui talk. Seriously, after 8 hours of fengshui, everything just sounds the same. Put this that in your room to prevent this that from happening. Apparently, its going to be a not bad yr for my zodiac sign although it is in indirect clash with the grand duke of jupiter..hahaha.
It didn't let up at night, the warm weather prevented me from sleeping, so I switched on the aircon and my nose acted up. Perfect eh.
My first start of a full week after a long time. I need to plan my leave. Apparently, I would need to take at least 2 days to make sure my leave doesn't get swallowed up.
Now that I am back at work, its back to listening to the nuances of inefficient colleagues, I want to be immerse in my world of riders, elves, drawves, dragons!