cheesecake and rum and raisin icecream

I don't like to blog when I am not the happiest but sometimes, when you have no where else to turn to, nothing to do that you enjoy, you land up at this page.
I should be penning my happy moments, but like all good things, it takes too much effort. So only bad and negative thoughts get up here, which isn't really what I want.

In short, I am damn xianz.
I need to be reading a lot of dry stuff, but my brain is not absorbing. Coupled with the fact that I don't really have enough time, I get even more depressed. Its just so not good. I don't want to fail but yet its as if I am half resigned to fail already. Failing would mess up my plans so its so not good. Sigh.

It doesn't help that I feel so alone all the time. Alboy is there but not there. He is either at work or in dreamland even if he is physically here. At times like this, I rather he not around.
None of my friends are around. None of them are online. And, I don't have that many friends to start off with. So its a lose lose for me.

Argk. I need icecream. But just going out to get that in the frigid cold is too crazy. I havn't stepped out of the house in 2 days, just breathing the stale air is making me sick, n that is on top of being sick. I still feel like I'm running on dayquil and nightquil. I can't sleep at night unless the antihistamine knocks me out, and I can't function in the day unless dayquil clears my head. I am like this drug junkie now.

Now, I need a good cheesecake and rum n raisin icecream.
Although I know for sure eating it will make me sick like fuck again.