Long post.

If you are one of those that say I whine a lot, don't read on. You been warned.

I cannot even describe the emotion I am feeling now, its depression mixed with a kind of relief.
Let me explain,

Today, I attended a wedding. Both the church ceremony and the dinner. The church ceremony was alright except that being non-xian, it never fails to bore me. I have never liked the christian faith mainly because there are too many evangelists around. They keep dragging you to church and telling you that you will not go to heaven if you do not accept christ. What kind of religion condemns other religion? Religion is sensitive and I will not dwell on it. A few of my closer friends like GJ are xian and I treasure the friendship.

The church was St Mary something something, cannot remember. Its the one at Bt Batok, very posh very nice, once featured in the papers. It was designed by some well known architecture firm. The building was really very nice, very posh. I mean, I have never seen a church with bose speakers at every 2m intervals. The seats were made of nice solid wood. It was very nice.

The food at the reception was very good also. It was very very classy and very well done.

Dinner was at Grant Hyatt. The bride and groom took pains to decorate the place very nicely.

Let me elaborate a bit on the couple. The bride is a doctor. She scored a miserable 'D' for bio during 'A' Levels but went on to be a doctor. Why? She had money, so she enrolled in some medical school in London. That medical school merged with King's college and her degree scroll is from King's college. How lucky can one get? Money does wonder. If she didn't have the money, she would have studied something else and possibly be in a mundane job, like me.

The groom is some EDB scholar. I only met the bride once. I was the plus one. She is Dang's friend.

Her dad used to be some big shot at SIA, some director , I hear. Her family rings a bell when they call for the maid.

The whole wedding banquet was so high class. Everyone was in nice dresses and suits. Everyone, including the old uncles in their 50s, 60s. How many uncles that age have suits? Most would wear a shirt and tie. The old aunties were all absolutely bling bling.

The food was good. The best as yet. The fish was fresh. There was abalone, and other expensive dishes I don't remember. Best of all, there was no chessy walk in , the one that the waiters walk in to the Mission Impossible song in some chessy formation.

I was at a table which made me feel very depressed. I only know half the table. Alboy was with me. John was at my table too and he is my university kaki, he however spent the whole dinner flirting with 3 other girls. I met them a few times at other weddings, still it was difficult to small talk with them. I was never good at it anyway. The other half of the table were doctors.

Then it struck me. I was the lowest paid at the table. I felt really upset. I feel my pay is low but I do get paid decently . The doctors definitely earn more than me. John earns more than me. The 3 girls, one's a dentist who definitely earns more than me. One used to work at Tech and now is at some bank, she definitely earns more. I know what Tech pays so I am pretty sure she earns more than me. The other is a physiotherapist.

I turned around and told Alboy. I think he didn't know what to say to comfort me.

I surveyed the crowd. Everyone was in nice dresses and bling bling. I figured they were all well to do. I mean, they ran out of complimentary parking tickets to give out. I think the guests all drove their S class and Beemers.

I felt very depressed. I have been submitting resumes. It's a tiring and it is stressing me out. I do not get stressed easily. I do not even feel stressed during exams, this would be the first time I actually feel stressed, pressured. No one has called me for interviews and I am very discouraged. Don't worry, I will still preserve though.

That explains why I am depressed. The relief bit?
I am just really glad I have Alboy. He works too long hours and he often forgets what I say. Still, just holding his hand makes me feel better. Not much better cos it will not change the fix I am in, but its just better.

Sigh. My heart feels heavy.